孤獨(dú)地走向未來

賈平凹

Walking towards the Future Alone

Jia Pingwa

好多人在說自己孤獨(dú)，說自己孤獨(dú)的人其實(shí)并不孤獨(dú)。孤獨(dú)不是受到了冷落和遺棄，而是無知己，不被理解。真正的孤獨(dú)者不言孤獨(dú)，偶爾作些長嘯，如我們看到的獸。

So many people claim that they are lonely. In fact, such self-claimed loneliness is not real loneliness indeed. Real loneliness does not equal being turned a cold shoulder or abandoned. Rather, it emerges when you have no bosom friend and are wronged by others. One who is genuinely lonely never talks loneliness. Instead, they merely heave long sighs like a beast.

弱者都是群居者，所以有蕓蕓眾生。弱者奮斗的目的是轉(zhuǎn)化為強(qiáng)者，像蛹向蛾的轉(zhuǎn)化，但一旦轉(zhuǎn)化成功了，就失去了原本滿足和享受欲望的要求。國王是這樣，名人是這樣，巨富們的掙錢成了一種職業(yè)，種豬們的配種更不是為了愛情。

The weak are always crowded together/congregate together. And this is how the mob of ordinary beings comes about. The weak struggle on in life with the purpose of becoming strong. Just like a pupa metamorphosizing into a moth, once the transmutation/change is complete, their original drive to satisfy and fulfill a desire will be promptly/immediately scattered to the wind. Monarchs, as well as celebrities, have all gone through this transmutation/change too. For the superrich, making money is a profession, just like breeding hogs who spread their seed without any desire of being loved.

我見過相當(dāng)多的郁郁寡歡者，也見過一些把皮膚和毛發(fā)弄得怪異的人，似乎要做孤獨(dú)，這不是孤獨(dú)，是孤僻，他們想成為六月的麥子，卻在僅長出一尺余高就出穗孕粒，結(jié)的只是蠅子頭般大的實(shí)。

I have met lots of melancholy and sullen/ sullen and sulky persons. I have also met some who get their skin tattooed and their hair dyed in a weird way. They try to put on an air of being lonely. But this is not true loneliness but eccentricity. They want to be like wheat in June, shooting out ears when they are only one foot high. Their grain is no bigger than the head of a fly.

每個(gè)行當(dāng)里都有著孤獨(dú)人，在文學(xué)界我遇到了一位。他的聲名流布全國，對他的誹謗也鋪天蓋地，他總是默默，寵辱不驚，過著日子和進(jìn)行著寫作，但我知道他是孤獨(dú)的。

There are lonely persons in every walk of life. I met one in the literary field. He was a nationwide celebrity, and the slander against him could eclipse the sky and blanket the earth. However, through fair and foul, he stayed silent. He carried on his daily life and writing. I knew that he was lonely.

“先生，”我有一天走近了他，說，“你想想，當(dāng)一碗肉大家都在眼睛盯著并努力去要吃到，你卻首先將肉端跑了，能避免不被群起而攻之嗎?”

One day I just approached him and said, “Sir, just you think about it, when everyone is casting their covetous eyes on a bowl of meat, you grab it and run away. How can you avoid being pointed an accusing finger by all sides/ being ganged up against by all sides?”

他聽了我的話，沒有說是或者不是，也沒有停下來握一下我的手，突然間淚流滿臉。

After hearing my words, he neither said yes nor no, nor did he stop and shake hands with me. All of a sudden, his cheeks were bathed in tears.

“先生，先生……”我攆著他還要說。

“Sir, sir…” I chased after him.

“我并不孤獨(dú)?！彼f，匆匆地走掉了。

“I am not lonely.” He replied and hurried away.

我以為我要成為他的知己，但我失敗了，那他為什么要流淚呢，“我并不孤獨(dú)”又是什么意思呢?

I thought I could become his bosom friend, but it turned out that I failed. Then why did tears well up from his eyes? And what did he mean by “I am not lonely”?

一年后這位作家又出版了新作，在書中的某一頁上我讀到了“圣賢庸行，大人小心”八個(gè)字，我終于明白了，塵世并不會(huì)輕易讓一個(gè)人孤獨(dú)的，群居需要一種平衡，嫉妒而引發(fā)的誹謗，扼殺，羞辱，打擊和迫害，你若不再脫穎，你將平凡，你若繼續(xù)走，走，終于使眾生無法趕超了，眾生就會(huì)向你歡呼和崇拜，尊你是神圣。神圣是真正的孤獨(dú)。

A year later, this writer published his new book. One of its pages I found eight words: “Great saints behave vulgarly, great people act prudently.” Finally, I made it clear: living in this vanity fair never allows one to win loneliness hands down. Communal living requires a kind of balance. Jealousy triggers off slander, homicide, attacks and persecution. If you fail to stand out among the crowd, you will remain a nobody. If you head on and on till the crowd can never catch up with or surpass you, then the crowd will be compelled to worship and applaud you, exalting you as some divine being. Those who are divine are truly lonely.

走向孤獨(dú)的人難以接受憐憫和同情。

One, once starts his or her journey towards true loneliness, is terribly reluctant to accept the pity and sympathy from others.