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本章概述：

????????????戰(zhàn)斗修女看見了光。

????????????In which a Sister of Battle sees light.

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正文：

我看不見了。

好吧，并不完全是，不過從各方面來說，我都算瞎了。我的眼睛不再履行職責。整個世界都被黑暗所籠罩，被地球之主以伊莎萊的靈魂為交換賜予我的幻象所遮蔽了。

一個我情愿做成千上萬次的交換。

不過伊莎萊對此不是很滿意。

“亞歷莎，為什么？！”伊莎萊的嗓音中破碎的悲傷牽拉著我的心，但即便我靠在她身上也仍堅定地站著。

“神皇對我說，為了拯救你的靈魂，我必須目睹不可忽視之事，”我一邊輕聲解釋，一邊抱緊了我的愛人?！拔抑雷约悍艞壛耸裁矗R，我知道如果我被給予了目所能及之外的視野，我就再也看不到我的世界了?！?/p>

“可是——！”

“我無論何時都會用我的雙眼來換取你的靈魂，伊莎萊，”我嚴肅地說，打斷了她的進一步抗議。“你不是也會為了我做出同樣的犧牲嗎？”

我聽見她吞咽的聲音，然后是嘆氣聲?！笆堑摹耶斎粫以敢飧冻鲆磺衼肀Ｗo你，亞歷莎?！?/p>

“那么就不要因為我做了同樣的事而苛責我吧，”我更加溫柔地回答道。“除此之外，我的失明也并不徹底?！?/p>

“你這是什么意思？”伊莎萊的聲音中充滿希望，她輕輕把我摟在懷里，領著我回到了居所內(nèi)。不過幾次磕絆促使她干脆把我抱了起來。

我在她把我像新娘一樣舉起來抱緊時用雙臂環(huán)著她的脖頸和肩膀，把臉埋在她的脖頸間，在回答前深吸了一口氣。

“我能……察覺到，”我輕聲說。“準確地講這并不算看得見。我能看見你的靈魂，就像黑暗中的篝火，而它的光芒照到了這個世界上，把其他所有東西都拋在了陰影里。”

“靈能感知？”伊莎萊低語道?！斑@么說，你能看見被靈魂之火的光芒照亮的那部分世界？”

“我覺得是的，”我對這個想法打了個顫。

這或許是神皇的饋贈，但它聽起來太像靈能者的巫術了，這讓我無法完全接受。再加上我無法“閉上眼睛”——我找不到更好的描述——讓我愈發(fā)地不自在。

伊莎萊把瑟瑟發(fā)抖的我向她抓得更近了些，我輕嘆于被這么抱著有多舒適。伊莎萊一直都比我強壯得多，而現(xiàn)在我可以允許自己充分地體會到這讓我多有安全感。

“我很明亮嗎？”伊莎萊溫柔地發(fā)問道，我點了點頭，并把嘴唇貼上了她的脖頸，品味著她的輕聲嗚咽。

“你的確是，但并不晃眼，”我回答道。“你在散發(fā)光芒，但我看向你時只感到溫暖。”

伊莎萊突然把我放了下來，我不由得驚慌失措地尖叫了一聲，隨即便感覺到了身下的床單，又放松了下來。

不過一如既往地，她對待我十分小心。我感覺到她把厚被子從我的身下抽了出來，然后是床單，只不過是為了把它們重新鋪好。我在它們蓋到我的身上時松了口氣，直到那時我才反應過來自己有多冷，一陣劇烈的戰(zhàn)栗傳到了我的四肢上，我抓住床單把它們盡可能緊地拽到了我的周身。

“不要動，Cre’yth，”伊莎萊說話時帶著全銀河所有的關心。

我看著她轉過身去，她的光芒離我漂得更遠了些，這勾起了一聲不悅的嘟噥。我聽見她在到達壁櫥附近的墻壁時溫和地輕笑著，她的光芒照亮了一捆她從上層抽屜里抽出的什么東西。

她一如既往地美麗，現(xiàn)在只會更加如此。她的每一個面部特征都在金白色的光芒中被清晰地勾勒了出來，盡管有些更微小的細節(jié)在光線的閃爍騰挪間完全消失了。

伊莎萊過了不久就出現(xiàn)在我的身邊，向我扔來了另兩條毯子，一條用來換掉我之前給她用的那條，它在室外的暴風雨里呆過后毫無疑問地濕透了，另一件只是為了讓我更暖和些。

“好點了嗎？”伊莎萊一邊用手指摩挲著我的前額一邊問道，我點點頭，突然間感覺極度疲憊。

“好——好多了，”我打了個哈欠，感覺看到了不僅僅是她的笑容。

然后她跪了下來，撥開了一些被褥，隨后滑了進去以蜷縮在我的身上。她的溫暖沉進了我的體內(nèi)，我則本能地向她依偎地更近了些，尋找著皮膚上的溫暖的源頭。

伊莎萊將她的嘴唇貼在我的臉頰上，我在她身上蹭了蹭，然后也親了回去，同時她的嘴唇輕拂過我的耳朵，然后是我的脖頸，她隨之繼續(xù)在我的整張臉上緩緩地印下了一個又一個吻，直到她終于找到我的嘴，她的雙腿與我的相互交纏，把我牢牢地固定在了她的身邊。

我不確定為什么會這樣，但那打破了我身體的某樣事物。

那事關安心與溫暖，以及最重要的——被愛著，并且躺在毛毯下我全銀河里最愛的女人的臂彎里的那樣事物，帶走了我的最后一絲堅強。我自覺曾經(jīng)或許抗拒過那種情感，但現(xiàn)在不是了……在伊莎萊的懷抱中，我容許了自己的軟弱，發(fā)出了十分微弱、十分輕柔的哭聲。

伊莎萊并沒有詢問我哭泣的原因，她只是在懷抱中輕輕搖著我。就算她問出口了我也不能肯定自己會有一個答案。我覺得自己只是太累了，燃盡了，以至于到了一切都結束的現(xiàn)在我只想讓自己崩潰一次。

畢竟我毫無疑問地知道伊莎萊會讓我重新振作起來。

“睡吧，我親愛的亞歷莎，”伊莎萊小聲說?！拔視诮裢硪约耙院蟮拿恳灰苟际刂?，”她的氣息火熱地撲在我的耳朵上，我則在另一陣無名的悲傷中顫抖起來，隨著我緊緊地抱住她，一聲細微的啜泣逸出我的雙唇。

“流淚吧，我的摯愛，”她繼續(xù)說道，“讓它們流下來，再讓夢境帶走你吧……”她的嘴唇輕輕刮過我的一只眼睛，然后是另一只?！八桑⒅獣晕視蔀槿曛p眼，汝之臂膀，汝之利刃，而我在此生與往世都將愛著你。”

“我愛你，伊莎萊，”我抽泣著。“求你……陪著我吧?！?/p>

“一直都會的，Cre’yth，”她喃喃道，并用柔軟的雙唇留下的一個吻打斷了她的話語。“從今往后，直到永遠。”

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然后我就睡著了。

不是幾分鐘或幾小時，而是數(shù)個晝夜。

我記得自己在清醒與沉睡的邊緣時來時往，我記得發(fā)燒時的汗流浹背、氣喘吁吁。我記得伊莎萊閃耀著金光的身形擁抱著我，照料著我，等候著我的每一個需求。

她在我虛弱到無法進食時喂我，把口糧混著一點水搗碎，然后一點一點地喂給我。她耐心地讓水淌進我干燥的喉嚨，抱著我去浴室，在那里她把我清洗干凈，然后在每一晚都躺在我的身邊。

伊莎萊每個晚上都為我唱歌。

被像個殘疾人一樣對待本該令人羞恥，但不知怎的，我甚至沒有力氣去感受那種情感。

我只覺得感激。

最令我難以置信的是，我記得在暫且認為是在發(fā)燒的第四個夜晚里發(fā)生的事。這很難說清楚，畢竟我如此頻繁地睡了又醒，有時只睡了一會兒，其他時候則是幾個小時，我無法讓自己足夠連貫地進行一場對話。

在那個晚上，我依靠在一絲不掛的伊莎萊身上，她的柔軟和溫暖帶給我無可估量的舒適。我精疲力竭卻并不疲憊，如果這還能說的通的話。我在一天的大部分時間里都在睡覺，夜間的涼風愜意地吹在我的額頭上。

在我們躺在一起時，我比在她移動時感覺到的要更多。我的靈能感知向她傾斜，她的金色光輝向下掠過了床沿，拾起了什么東西。

是一本書。

“你是要給我講故事嗎？”我虛弱地問道，又因為不知為何覺得這個想法很好玩而笑了起來。

“跟那個差不多吧，”伊莎萊回答道，我又一次愛上了她溫柔的口音。這可能跟發(fā)燒有些關系。

伊莎萊緩慢而恭敬地打開了那本書，隨著她這么做，我在一陣極度痛苦中意識到自己看不見書上的任何一個字。伊莎萊身上投射的光輝清晰到足矣讓我看到這部巨著的主體，但也僅限于此。從這個和其他的角度來講，我確實是瞎了，不過我明白一些拒絕使用（眼部？）植入物的技術神甫會采用某種觸覺語言。

也許某一天我也會打聽一下這件事，在那之前我還有伊莎萊。

我看著她像閃爍的陽光一樣的靈巧手指翻開了封面，撫平了第一頁，然后清了清嗓子并將之拿穩(wěn)。

“歡呼吧，子民們，因主行走在我們中間，”伊莎萊說道，一瞬間我的心臟膨脹到幾乎要炸開。“光明立在我們面前，道路向我們所有人敞開……”

她讀的并不是隨便哪一本書。她正在讀一本從我的個人物品里拿來的書。伊莎萊正為我讀著《智訓啟蒙》（Primer Ecclesiasticus）——帝國信條的布道。

“……因人皇即是光明，人皇即是大道，”她繼續(xù)讀道，語氣中真誠的小心和輕柔的敬畏告訴我，她在念誦這些話時也感受到了它們，“而祂的一切行動皆是出于人類——也即是祂的人民——的利益?！?/p>

“帝皇即是主，主即是帝皇，”我與她一起念出這些字眼，畢竟我如同任何一個稱職的修女會的姐妹那樣對它們了然于胸。“因而這條帝國信經(jīng)的教誨高于一切……即是帝皇庇佑。”

伊莎萊隨后陷入了沉默，過了一會兒她合上了書本，把它放了下來，然后像以往那樣緊緊地將我抱在胸前，我感覺到熱淚從她了臉上滑落到我的頭頂。

“帝皇庇佑，”伊莎萊輕聲低語，“而祂便派我來保護你了。”

“你確實這么做了，”我回答道，微弱地回應了她的擁抱?！澳銜^續(xù)為我讀下去嗎？”

“你想要多久都可以，”伊莎萊在我的額頭上印下一吻，然后轉身重新打開了《智訓啟蒙》，又一次回到了她的位置上。

“隨著舊夜的面紗被揭開，承蒙神圣陛下的恩賜，神圣泰拉歸于一統(tǒng)，并掙脫了混沌的枷鎖……”

“亞歷莎，在床上待著！”伊莎萊在臥室門口怒容滿面，我靠在床頭板上瑟縮了一下。

我很快就學會了通過她的光暈的明暗變化來判斷她的情緒。每當她感受到了某種格外強烈的情緒，這光暈便會發(fā)生改變，如果我細心觀察的話就能發(fā)現(xiàn)她的光暈邊緣還有著金色之外的色彩。

而現(xiàn)在，她正心煩意亂。并不是生氣，只是害怕。她被我嚇到了，而我不久前才突然想到她很難處理這些情緒。

畢竟，她以前從未真正地感受過它們。

“我的燒兩周前就退了，‘萊，”即便她走到了床邊把我壓回了床上，我也還在抗議著。

我得為她辯護一下，由于病痛我現(xiàn)在仍然虛弱到做不了太多抵抗。

“你現(xiàn)在看不見，而且還在被疾病和靈能后沖所蹂躪著，”伊莎萊生硬地說?！叭绻唤o你的身體時間來愈合的話它就再承受不了多少了！”

她在我身邊跪了下來，然后握住我的手，把它放到嘴唇邊在指節(jié)上印下一吻。

“你是我的全部，亞歷莎，”伊莎萊輕聲說?！艾F(xiàn)在讓我照顧你……至少讓我做到這點吧?！?/p>

“伊莎萊，你不必像這樣伺候我的，”她把我塞回被窩里，在那里我惱火地發(fā)現(xiàn)自己確實感覺好受了些，即便如此我還是抗議著。

“我想要服侍你，亞歷莎，”她輕松地回復道?！爸滥阏徽疹欀屛液荛_心，你會縱容我這樣嗎？”

好吧，我確實不能很好地拒絕這點。于是，我輕嘆著點了點頭，允許她再為我操心一小會兒。我不得不承認，被如此細致入微地寵愛著感覺很好。她真的很愛我，這能從她的手上的每一個動作和每一個流連的觸碰中看出來。

隨著每一次呼吸和每一個專注的動作，我都知道伊莎萊愛著我。

伊莎萊在她為我蓋上攤子時謹慎地看了我一眼。我只能從她的輝光上隱隱帶著的冷青色邊緣來判斷。

她正在擔心我。

“我會恢復的，吾愛，”我向她保證道，“靈族的臉龐不是為了苦惱而生的。”

一抹紅暈劃過伊莎萊的臉頰?！拔覜]在發(fā)愁，我是因為你差點死了兩次才這么擔心的！”

“只要神皇愿意我就會活下去的，”我?guī)е嘈φf。

她對此報以沉默，但又僵硬地點了點頭，撫平了毯子上一些不存在的皺紋，然后轉身離開了房間。她經(jīng)常來看我，但我知道她離開尖塔的次數(shù)也一樣多。

當我詢問其中的緣由時，她會迸發(fā)出相當明顯的靈能光芒，然后告訴我她正在巡邏。沒了噴氣摩托讓她花費了更長的時間，但她想要確保獸人沒有注意到這陣靈能風暴局限于某一地點。這本不大可能，但如果它們之中混著一個罕見又惡心的靈能者亞種的話也是有可能的。

這是伊莎萊告訴我的，但我知道她一直在說謊。

或者至少，她一直在隱瞞真相的全貌。當她解釋起自己的理由時，我花了些時間才意識到這一點。在她說話時，她的輝光周圍有一絲極其古怪的赭色，一種感覺上微妙地不對勁的緊張而不快的負擔。

一個謊言，我終于明白了。伊莎萊在向我隱瞞某件事，看上去就是這樣的。

我曾想過把這件事挑明，但最后還是決定不這么干。我決定相信伊莎萊正做著她認為必須做的事，而就我所知她是對的。更重要的是，我相信伊莎萊深愛著我，也永遠不會傷害我，而如果我堅信這一點的話就不需要做別的什么了。

讓我擔心的僅在于她正擔心著，因為據(jù)我估計她已經(jīng)或者接近恢復了全部的力量，而如果一大群獸人都不足以阻擋她的話，那意味著她擔憂的事情應該要危險的多。

所以我就讓她巡邏下去了，我也沒問她為什么。伊莎萊的內(nèi)心一片混亂，每次我看著她時都能看出這一點。我無法精確地描述那是什么，但我知道她所感受的情緒，它們的深邃，是我無法理解的。在我的新視野和我在神皇的旨意下所見證的景象間，我相信自己對艾達靈族的了解遠比以前要多。

在這之前，我知道他們是一個威脅，因為帝國國教是如此看待的，而我作為一名敬畏神的修女也沒有理由再懷疑更多。不過，現(xiàn)在我知道他們遠比任何揣測——或許除了神皇的至圣審判庭所懷疑的那樣之外——都更加惡毒。

他們的每一個個體都像是靈魂之海中的一座燈塔。一個由靈能者組成的種族，確實如此，但又不限于此……他們的靈魂在亞空間的荼毒中像無盡的繁星一般發(fā)光，而他們每到一處地方就會像尸體引來蒼蠅一樣吸引惡魔。

只有通過詭計和巫術，他們才能逃脫審判和死亡。

除了伊莎萊。

一想到我的摯愛，笑容就又回到了我的臉上。我親愛的伊莎萊，在帝皇面前垂下頭去，接受了她的軟弱和罪惡，擺脫了黑暗之路以站立于祂的羽翼下。

伊莎萊再也不能于亞空間前遁形?，F(xiàn)在，她在地球之主的光輝中傲然面對之。她是自己的族人中第一個做到這一點的，而我對此感到無比自豪。

當然了，我也確實希望能再次好好地看著她。

我低頭看著自己的手，或者說至少我覺得自己在這么做。我現(xiàn)在很難確定自己的方向。目所能及的大部分都是一片漆黑……我自己投射出來的光亮遠比伊莎萊的更稀薄也更暗淡。在獨處時我?guī)缀醣嬲J不出自己的輪廓，但在與她共處時，我?guī)缀跸袷菑兔髁艘话恪?/p>

幾乎是。

可我最為懷念的還是那些細節(jié)。

我想念伊莎萊的雙眼勝過一切——她美麗的紫藤色雙眼，和她拿日出般的絢麗長發(fā)。我希望能再親眼目睹而非追憶它們，而最可怕的是，我知道哪怕是它們也會隨著時間推移而模糊褪色，被我的世界中僅有的黑色與金色所取代。

我輕嘆著靠在床上，抬頭盯著我只得假定是天花板的地方。我看不見它，畢竟我發(fā)出的光幾乎爬不過自己的指尖，但我想也可以就當它在那。

無論如何，人是會抱有希望的。

“如果還要在這里呆上另一個晝夜，我就該發(fā)瘋了?！蔽亦絿佒诒桓C里輾轉反側。

靈能后沖，伊莎萊如此稱呼它。我自覺是明白其中含義的……極少數(shù)我見過的合法靈能者——大多是星語者——都十分消瘦，他們的身體被自身的力量所毒害，變得贏弱不堪。我真該為自己能恢復得如此之快而感到幸運。

“去它的，”我從毯子下面挪了出來，打了個寒戰(zhàn)，然后把其中一條小毯子圍在肩膀上起身離開。

過程十分艱難，我的膝蓋和腳趾在好幾樣東西上磕碰出了五顏六色的瘀傷，但最終我還是走到了主室。出乎我的意料，房間里的某個地方正散發(fā)著微弱的光芒，四下尋找后我來到了教堂動力甲堆成的整潔的小山前。

“看護你的裝備，”我大聲念出了每日一思中的一條。

帝皇的賜福正被施加于這甲胄上，它正閃耀著祂的光輝。

在緊迫感的驅(qū)使下，我緩慢而謹慎地把裝備擺回各自的位置上，然后前去我們在小教堂塌在劫掠的獸人身上之前獲得的補給品那里。

那里也有光亮，來自一些儀式用品，盡管那跟我或盔甲發(fā)出的光相比幾不可見。

不過沒過多久，我就拿上了我的工具和自己的那本《智訊啟蒙》，然后跪在盔甲前開始笨拙地進行整備儀式。在將每一部分連接上整體前，我盡自己所能地用圣油、香灰和油膏為這件盔甲施油。這花了我將近一個小時的時間，但一當盔甲被完全恢復原樣，我便感覺好了許多。

當然，此時我已經(jīng)變得臟兮兮的，雙手上覆蓋著作業(yè)的殘留物，手臂上也沾上了機油。

“那就洗個澡吧，”我下定決心。

我渴望能有朝一日再與我的姐妹們相聚，假設她們在我身邊站著一個靈族——哪怕是個獲準的靈族——時還會再正眼看我，但我希望她們盡早地理解。即便如此，我還是得承認自己會想念這間小宿舍慷慨地給予的盥洗室，它自然比阿爾伯雷亞修道院里狹小的洗浴隔間更舒適。

蒸汽迅速地充盈了這個房間，浴池一被放滿水我就感激地沉進了熱水里。在這里過去的每一刻都給予了我更多的力量，而沒過多久我就意識到這只是自己的想象罷了。

我舉起一只手，活動著胳膊，一邊檢視著自己一邊把手翻來翻去。

我現(xiàn)在變得更亮了嗎？

靈魂輝光在這里肯定是變亮了。在躺在床上時我?guī)缀蹩床灰娮约海F(xiàn)在我不但能看見自己的全身，還能辨認出幾個手掌外的事物。它依舊無法與伊莎萊的那顆閃閃發(fā)光的恒星相比，但也切實地有了提升。

“可這是怎么做到的？”我喃喃著來回翻轉手臂?！盀槭裁次椰F(xiàn)在比以前要亮了？”

我浸回水中，思考起這區(qū)別。在臥室里我感覺自己一無是處，而現(xiàn)在，在保養(yǎng)了盔甲后我明顯感覺好些了。

那件盔甲。

我?guī)еw速運轉的頭腦猛地從浴池中起身并爬了出去，抓起了一條毛巾把自己擦干，然后穿上了我掛在附近的那件備用的緊身服。

盔甲一直在閃閃發(fā)亮，可其中的機魂甚至尚未蘇醒！它一直都在閃耀著神皇之光！

我拉緊了緊身服，在里面稍微挪了挪以讓自己更舒服些，隨后回到了主室并跪在了盔甲前面。它現(xiàn)在比之前更亮了，我覺得自己或許把一些光帶進了自己體內(nèi)。又或者我只是與它同步地發(fā)亮，由于我已經(jīng)把它奉獻給了神皇，我也敞開了自己，以讓祂的光輝也更加明亮地照在了我的身上！

“只有一個辦法能找出答案，”我說道，隨之在胸甲上的天鷹徽面前低下頭，然后抬頭面對徽記，開口贊頌起來。

一首獻給神皇的古老贊美詩從我的唇間流淌出來，語間將我的人生和死亡都投入到對祂的侍奉中去，每說出一個詞，我都能感到自己的力量正在回歸。隨著我對著祂敞開內(nèi)心和靈魂，我能感受到祂的光芒正逐漸充盈著自己。

我的聲線在接近最后幾句時達到了頂點，有一瞬間我似乎又能看見了。我的光——不，是祂的光輝，正映在每一樣事物上，而盔甲上正閃耀著如野火般噼啪作響的金色電火。

“亞歷莎？！”伊莎萊的聲音把我從全情投入中驚了回來，我轉身面對她。

在感知落到了陽臺上的她的那一瞬間，我踉蹌著后退并尖叫了出來。她現(xiàn)在璀璨奪目。她的全身都像被禁錮住的超新星一樣閃耀，將其余的整個世界都照得清晰到令人痛心。但從那金色火焰的風暴中，我能看到別的東西。

一道日出般的光芒從她的臉上傾瀉而下，勾勒出兩顆美麗的紫藤色星星。

而它們正在恐懼中大睜著。

“亞歷莎快停下！”伊莎萊在電光火石間來到了我的身邊，她的光暈在藍綠色耀斑中爆發(fā)出亮綠色的光影?！澳惚仨?strong>現(xiàn)在就停下！”

“?！Ｏ率裁?？”我緊閉上雙眼，但這一點用也沒有。那光芒無法忽視，也無法被隔絕開來！

“你正在把自己的力量照射進亞空間，亞歷莎！”她一把抓住我，把我緊緊壓在她的身上，以至我的整個感官都淹沒在她的光輝中，而突然間它……情況變得沒那么壞了。

我的世界里只剩下了伊莎萊的靈魂投射出的溫暖而包容的光芒。

“讓自己冷靜下來，吾愛，”伊莎萊安慰地低聲念道?！袄潇o點，你離亞空間的波濤太近了，你必須回到我這里?！?/p>

我深呼吸了幾次，伊莎萊令人平靜的冷煙的氣息在她拉近我時充盈了我的雙肺。我照著她說的做，通過在腦海里背誦禱文和教理來強行讓自己冷靜下來，直到我再次感到穩(wěn)定。

那光芒慢慢變得更加可以忍受了。伊莎萊的身形不再像光輝的化身，盡管她仍和平時一樣亮，我自己的身體的輪廓也沒有之前那么清晰，但我看得更加清楚，能看到更多的細節(jié)了。

我的周身仍舊暗淡，被陰影包裹著，但只要伊莎萊在附近我就至少能辨認出主室的大部分。

就好像我還需要另一個理由來待在她身邊似的。

“我希望你感覺好了點，亞歷莎，因為我們必須盡快動身了，”伊莎萊突然說，她在把雙肩包們掛上肩膀前已經(jīng)在把各類物品裝進去：大部分是口糧和藥品?！拔覀儾荒茉僭谶@座尖塔里停留了！”

“為什么？”我問道，踉蹌著站了起來，但還是開始穿起那件精工動力甲。

如果伊莎萊感到擔心，那我就不得不相信這有著充分的理由。

“那股力量的閃光就像一座燈塔，”伊莎萊嘆了口氣解釋道?！拔以南Ｍ谀阍谖业撵`魂得救的那一夜所作禱告的靈能墜塵能保我們不受打擾，但那個閃光的位置要更確切得多，他們不會錯失它的?！?/p>

“他們？”我把胸甲鎖好，在伊莎萊的幫助下開始穿上臂甲和腿甲?！啊麄儭钦l？‘萊？你這段時間一直在向我隱瞞什么，而我應該知情的！”

伊莎萊發(fā)出了一聲抱怨，我看著她的輪廓波動起來，我覺得她像在生自己的氣時那樣微微搖了搖頭。

“我早該知道你會看穿的，Cre’yth，”她輕聲回答道?！澳阒蓝嗑昧?？”

“從你第一次巡邏開始，”我如實回答，她虛弱地輕笑起來。“現(xiàn)在告訴我，誰來了？”

“我的方舟世界表親，”伊莎萊說，我頓感脊背發(fā)涼。“他們已經(jīng)在這座城市間出沒了幾十個晝夜了，雖然我不知道緣由……但他們會發(fā)現(xiàn)那股浪潮，然后他們會前來調(diào)查。”

“他們會從亞空間里感覺到那個？”我問道，盡管我確定自己知道答案。

“也會從他們的探測陣列上發(fā)現(xiàn)的?！币辽R確認道。

“占卜陣列能探測到那個？！”我的雙眼在不祥預感的降臨下睜大開來。

我感覺伊莎萊皺起了眉頭，陰影爬上了她的光暈邊緣，加劇了藍綠色的恐懼和擔憂?！拔矣X得是這樣……那是一陣能量激流，所以如果有人正在追蹤亞空間波濤的話，那么他們就不會錯過的?！?/p>

“那么你的表親也許就不是唯一知道這個的?！?/p>

我在說出這句話的那一刻就知道那是真的，而僅僅幾秒后，我的擔憂就在我全副武裝站起身來，耳邊充盈起帝國運輸船的引擎令人懷念的咆哮聲時得到了證實。

我并不確定伊莎萊的神秘親族是從哪里開始的，但花園隱修院會定期在安菲特里亞上空巡邏。隱修院有著自己的小型星語合唱團，她們便是籍此呼叫救援的，而如果他們發(fā)現(xiàn)了我，那么只需片刻的時間最近的巡邏隊就會被告知我的位置。

伊莎萊的目光投向了天際，即使以我的感官寥寥無幾的清晰度，我也能看到那滿臉的愁容，她身上夾雜著緊貼在她的光暈邊緣的亮綠色。

看來我不能再拖延與姐妹們的相聚了。

?

原文：

I was blinded.

Well, not?entirely, but for all intents and purposes, I was blinded. My eyes no longer functioned. The world was shrouded in a cloak of darkness, blotted out by the visions granted to me by Him on Earth in exchange for Isarae’s soul.

An exchange I would make a thousand plus a thousand times over.

Not that Isarae was particularly pleased with it.

“Alessa,?why?!” The broken sorrow in Isarae’s voice pulled at my heart, but I stood fast even as I leaned against her.

“The God-Emperor spoke unto me and said that, to save your soul, I must see that which cannot be unseen,” I explained quietly as I pressed against my lover. “I knew what I was giving up, ‘Rae, I knew that if I was granted sight beyond sight, that I would never see?my?world again.”

“But-!”

“I would trade my eyes for your soul at any hour or day, Isarae,” I said sternly, cutting off her further protest. “Would you not give the same for me?”

I heard her swallow, then sigh. “Yes… of course I would… I would give anything to protect you, Alessa.”

“Then do not admonish me for doing the same,” I replied more gently. “Besides, my blindness is not total.”

“What do you mean?” Isarae’s voice was hopeful as she cradled me against her and led me into our quarters. A few stubbed toes on my end, though, prompted her to simply pick me up and carry me.

I wrapped my arms around her neck and shoulders as she hefted me, bridal style, and pulled me close, and I buried my face against her neck and breathed deeply before replying.

“I can… perceive,” I began quietly. “It is not sight, precisely. I can see your soul like it’s a bonfire in the dark, and its light cascades over the world, casting everything else in shadow.”

“Psychic perceptions?” Isarae muttered. “You see the world illuminated by the light of the soul's fire, then?”

“I suppose so,” I shivered at the idea.

It may have been a gift from the God-Emperor, but it sounded too much like psyker witchery for me to be fully comfortable with it. That and the fact that I could not ‘shut my eyes’, for lack of a better term, was making me increasingly uneasy.

Isarae clutched me more tightly to her as I shivered, and I sighed quietly at how pleasant it felt to be carried like this. Isarae has always been so much stronger than I, and now I could allow myself to fully appreciate how safe that made me feel.

“Am I bright?” Isarae asked gently, and I nodded as I pressed my lips to her neck, and savored her quiet moan.

“You are, but not blinding,” I replied. “You cast light, but when I look on you all I feel is warmth.”

Isarae lowered me suddenly, and I had to hold in a yelp of panic before I felt the bedclothes beneath me and relaxed.

As ever, though, she was careful with me. I felt her move the comforter out from under me, and then the sheets, and only for them to be laid over again. I sighed quietly in relief as they covered me, I had not realised how cold I was until that moment, and a terrible shiver set up and down my limbs as I grappled with the sheets and tugged them as tightly around me as I could.

“Be still,?Cre’yth,” Isarae said with all the care in the galaxy.

I watched as she turned away, her light drifting further from me, and drawing out a whine of displeasure. I heard her chuckle softly as she reached the far wall near the closets, and her light illuminated a bundle of something that she was pulling from one of the upper shelves.?

She was beautiful, as always, only more so now. Her every feature was starkly outlined in golden-white light, although some of the finer details were lost in the shimmer and shift of it all.

Isarae was by my side a moment later, throwing yet another pair of blankets over me, one to replace the one I’d used for her that had become undoubtedly sodden after being outside in the storm, and the other just to keep me a little bit warmer.

“Better?” Isarae asked as her fingers brushed along my forehead, and I nodded, suddenly feeling horribly exhausted.

“B-Better,” I yawned, and I felt more than saw her smile.

Then she knelt, moved some of the covers aside, and slipped in beneath them to curl around me. Her warmth sunk into me and I instinctively curled closer to her, seeking the source of that warmth against my skin.

Isarae pressed her lips to my cheek as I nuzzled against her and kissed her back as her lips brushed up to my ear, then down to my neck, and she proceeded to lavish slow kisses all across my face until she finally found my mouth as her legs tangled around mine, locking me in place beside her.

I’m not sure why, but that broke something in me.

Something about being safe and warm and, above all, loved and lying beneath the blankets in the arms of the woman I loved best in all the galaxy, took the iron out of me. I think I might have resisted that feeling once, but not now… in Isarae’s arms as I allowed myself to be weak, I began to very quietly, and very softly, cry.

Isarae didn’t ask why I was crying, she just cradled and rocked me in her arms. Even had she asked I’m not certain I would have had an answer. I think I was just so tired, and worn so very thin, that now that it was all over all I wanted to do was let myself fall apart.

Because I knew without a doubt that Isarae would be there to put me back together again.

“Sleep, my darling Alessa,” Isarae murmured. “I shall watch over you this night and for all the nights to come,” her breath was hot against my ear as I shuddered through another wave of unnamed grief, and a small sob escaped my lips as I hugged her tight.?

“Let your tears flow, my beloved,” she continued, “l(fā)et them out, and then let dreams take you…” her lips brushed under one eye, then the other. “Sleep and know that I shall be thy eyes, and thy strong arm, and thy sharpened blade, and that I shall love you for all the time left to this body and beyond.”

“I love you, Isarae,” I sobbed. “Please… stay with me.”

“Always,?Cre’yth,” she whispered, and she punctuated her words with a press of her soft lips against mine. “Now and always.”

?

?

I slept then.

Not for minutes or hours, but for cycles.

I remember drifting in and out of sleep, and I remember sweating and panting as fever took me. I remember Isarae’s gold-bright presence holding me and tending to me, waiting on my every need.

She fed me when I was too weak to eat, mashing rations mixed with a little water, and feeding it to me bit by bit. She coaxed water down my dry throat, carried me to the bath where she cleaned me, and then laid down beside me every night.

Isarae sang to me?every night.

It should have been shameful to be treated like an invalid, but somehow I could not muster the strength to feel even that.

All I could feel was gratitude.

Most incredibly, I remember what happened on what I tentatively believe to be my fourth night in fever. It was hard to tell because so often I would pass out and then awaken, sometimes moments had passed, other times hours, and I could not keep myself coherent enough for a conversation.

That night I was resting against Isarae’s naked form, her softness and warmth bringing me uncountable comfort. I was exhausted but not tired, if that makes any sense. I had slept through much of the day, and the cool night wind felt good on my brow.?

As we laid together, I felt more than saw her shift. My perception angled onto her, and her golden light reached down past the edge of the bed and picked something up.

A book.

“Are you going to read me a story?” I asked weakly, and I laughed because for some reason I found that notion quite funny.

“Something like that,” Isarae replied, and I fell in love with that gentle accent of hers all over again. The fever may have had something to do with that.

Slowly and reverently, Isarae opened the book, and as she did I realised with a small pang of anguish that I could not see any of the words on the page. The definition of the light cast from Isarae was enough to show me the body of the tome, but nothing more. In that sense, and a few others, I was truly blind, although my understanding was that there was a kind of tactile language certain priests used who eschewed implants.

Perhaps I would ask after that one day, and until then I had Isarae.

I watched as her deft fingers, like shimmering digits of sunlight, peeled open the cover, flattened the first page, and then held it steady as she cleared her throat.

“Rejoice, O’ children, for God walks among us,” Isarae began, and I felt my heart swell almost to bursting in an instant. “The Light stands before us, and the Way is made open to us all…”

She wasn’t reading just any book. She was reading a book from my personal effects. Isarae was reading to me from the Primer Ecclesiasticus; the Holy Word of the Imperial Creed.?

“...for the Emperor of Mankind is the Light, and the Emperor of Mankind is the Way,” she continued, and the genuine care and soft awe in her voice told me she was feeling the words as much as speaking them, “and all of His actions are for the benefit of Mankind, which is His people.”

“The Emperor is God and God is the Emperor,” I spoke the words along with her, for I knew them by heart as any good Sister of the Adeptus Sororitas would. “And so it is taught by the Imperial Creed that above all things… the Emperor Protects.”

Isarae fell silent then, and after a moment she closed the book, laid it down, and hugged me as tightly to her breast as ever she did, and I felt warm tears falling from her face onto the crown of my head.

“The Emperor Protects,” Isarae whispered softly, “and He sent me to protect you.”

“And you have,” I replied, returning her hug albeit weakly. “Will you keep reading to me?”

“For as long as you wish,” Isarae pressed a kiss to my brow, then shifted about, reopened the Primer, and found her place again.

“As the veil of Old Night lifted, by the grace of his Divine Majesty was Holy Terra united, and freed from the yoke of Chaos…”

?

?

“Alessa,?stay in bed!” Isarae scowled from the bedroom door, and I wilted back against the headboard.

I learned quickly that I could tell her moods by the waxing and waning of her luminous aura. It shifted whenever she was feeling a particularly intense emotion, and there was an edge of color to her aura beyond just the gold if I looked closely.

And right now, she was upset. Not angry, just scared. She was frightened for me and it occurred to me not too long ago that she was having a hard time handling those emotions.

After all, she’s never really felt them before.

“My fever broke two cycles ago, ‘Rae,” I protested even as she moved over to me and levered me back into bed.

In her defense, I was still weak enough from my illness that I wasn’t able to put up much of a fight.

“You are blind and ravaged by both illness and psychic backlash,” Isarae said stiffly. “Your body cannot take much more of this if you do not give it time to?heal!”

She knelt beside me and took my hand, gripping it and bringing her lips to my knuckles where she pressed a kiss.

“You are my everything, Alessa,” Isarae said quietly. “Let me care for you now… let me do this, at least.”

“Isarae, you don’t have to wait on me like this,” I protested even as I let her shift me back beneath the covers where, annoyingly, I found I did feel a little better.

“I wish to wait on you, Alessa,” she replied easily. “It brings me happiness to know you are cared for, will you indulge me that much?”

Well I couldn't very well say no to that. So, I sighed and nodded, and allowed her to fuss over me for a little while longer. I had to admit, it was nice to be doted on with such care. She really did love me, and it showed in every motion of her hand and every lingering touch.

With every breath and every devoted motion, I knew that Isarae?loved?me.?

As she pulled the covers over me, Isarae eyed me with a careful look. I could only tell because of the faint edge of cold teal across her aura.

She was worried about me.

“I will heal, my love,” I assured her, “an Aeldari face was not made to fret.”

A flush crossed Isarae’s cheeks. “I am not?fretting, I’m worried because you’ve nearly died twice over!”

“I will live as the God-Emperor wills it,” I said with a wan smile.

She clammed up at that, but nodded stiffly before smoothing out some non-existent wrinkles on the blankets, then turning to leave the room. She was checking in on me often, but I knew that she left the spire just as much.

When I’d asked why, she’d cited the rather obvious explosion of psychic light, and told me she was patrolling. It took her longer without her jetbike, but she wanted to be certain the Orks hadn’t realised that the psychic storm had been localised. It was unlikely, but possible if they had one their rare and disgusting psyker subbreeds with them.

That was what Isarae told me, but she had been lying.

Or at least, she had been hiding the entirety of the truth. It took me a moment to realise it as she was explaining her reasoning. There was the oddest tinge of ochre around her aura as she spoke, a kind of tense, unpleasant weight that felt subtly off.

A lie, I had realised eventually. That was what it looked like when Isarae was hiding something from me.?

I thought about pressing the matter, but in the end decided not to. I decided to trust that Isarae was doing what she thought she had to, and for all I knew she was right. Most importantly, I trusted that Isarae loved me dearly, and would never do me harm, and if I held to that truth then I needed little else.

What worried me was only that?she?was worried, because to my reckoning she was back to her full strength or near enough, and if a horde of Orks hadn’t been enough to balk her then that meant whatever she was worried over was significantly more dangerous.

So I let her patrol, and I didn’t ask her why. Isarae’s heart was in turmoil, I could see it every time I looked at her. I cannot describe precisely what it is, but I know that the emotions she feels, the depths of them, are something I cannot fathom. Between my new sight and what I witnessed at the God-Emperor’s behest, I believe I understand the Eldar far better than I did.

Before this, I knew they were a danger because the Cult Imperialis deemed it so and, as a god-fearing sister, I had no reason to question beyond that. Now, though, I know that they are far worse than any but, perhaps, the God-Emperor's Most Holy Inquisition suspects.

Each and every one of them is like a beacon in the Sea of Souls. A race of psykers, yes, but so much more… they are a race whose souls burn like endless stars in the torment of the warp and draw daemons to them like flies to a carcass wherever they go.

Only through trickery and sorcery do they evade judgment and death.

All except Isarae.

The thought of my beloved brought a smile back to my face. Isarae, my dearest, who bowed her head before the Emperor and accepted her weakness and sin, who shed her dark ways to stand beneath His wings.

Isarae no longer hides from the warp. Now she faces it with her head held high, illuminated by the light of Him on Earth. She was the first of her kind to do so, and I could not be more proud.

Of course, I do wish I could see her again properly.

I look down at my hands, or at least I think I do. It’s difficult to orient myself now. What I see, for the most part, is darkness… the light that I cast is so much thinner and more pale than Isarae’s. I can barely make out my own outline when I’m alone, but when she is with me it’s almost like I can see again.

Almost.

It’s the details I miss most though.

I miss my Isarae’s eyes most of all; her lovely, Wisteria eyes, and that gorgeous sunrise hair of hers. I wish I could see it again in more than my memories, and the worst of it is that I know even those will fade in time to be replaced with the two-tone shades of black and gold that my world has been reduced to.

Sighing, I leaned back in bed and stared up at what I had to assume was the ceiling. I couldn't see it, as the light I cast barely reached past my own fingers, but I think it safe to assume the ceiling is still there.

One would hope, anyway.

“If I have to spend another cycle in bed I will go?mad,” I grumbled as I shifted around under the covers.

Psychic backlash, Isarae had called it. I suppose I understand… the few sanctioned I'd met, mostly astropaths, were all emaciated, their bodies ravaged by their own powers and left weak. I should really consider myself fortunate that I’m recovering so quickly.

“Frak it,” I moved out from under the blankets, shivered, then wrapped one of the small covers around my shoulders as I stood to leave.

It was difficult, and I knocked my knees and toes against more than a few things prompting a series of colorful curses, but eventually I made my way out to the main room. To my surprise, there was a faint luminance coming from somewhere in the room, and a bit of nosing around led to the small but tidy pile that was the Chapel Power Armour.?

“Look to your wargear,” I spoke one of the Imperial Thoughts aloud.

The blessings of the Emperor were upon the armour, and it shone with His light.

Feeling compelled, I slowly and carefully arranged the gear into its respective positions before going to the supply we’d claimed from the chapel before it was collapsed atop a crew of looting Orks.

There was light there too, coming from some of the ritual objects, although it was barely an ember compared to myself or the armour.

Soon, though, I was armed with both my tools and my copy of the Primer, and I knelt over the armour to begin clumsily working my way through the Rites of Rearmament. With oil, ash, and unguent I anointed the armor as best I was able prior to connecting each piece to the whole. It took me the better part of an hour, but once the armour was fully restored I felt significantly better.

I was filthy by then, of course, my hands were coated in the remains of my work and my arms stained with machine oils.

“A bath, then,” I decided.

I was eager to see my sisters again one day, assuming they would ever look well upon me with an Eldar at my side, even a sanctioned one, but I hoped they would understand in time. That being said, I had to admit that I would miss the lavish bath this little set of quarters possessed. It was certainly more comfortable than the cramped ablution stalls of the Convent Arborea.

Steam quickly filled the room and once the bath was filled I sank gratefully into the hot water. Every passing moment lent me more strength, and after a moment I realised it was just in my imagination.

I raised my hand and flexed my arm, turning my hand this way and that as I examined myself.

Was I brighter, now?

It certainly felt brighter in here. When I’d been in bed I’d been barely able to see myself, and now I was able to make out not only my own body but a few handspans beyond. It was still nothing compared to the effervescing star that was my Isarae, but it was certainly an improvement.

“How, though?” I muttered as I turned my arms this way and that. “Why am I brighter now than before?”

I sank back into the water and considered the difference. In the bedroom I was feeling useless, and now, after caring for the armour I certainly felt better.

The armour.

My mind began to race as I stood up sharply from the bath and scrambled out of it, grabbing a towel to dry myself before pulling on the spare bodyglove that I’d left hanging nearby.

The armour had been glowing, but the machine spirit in it wasn’t even awake! It had been shining with the light of the God-Emperor!

I pulled the glove taut and shifted around in it a bit to get comfortable before going back out to the main room and kneeling in front of the armour. It was shining now more brightly than it had been, and I think, perhaps, I had taken some of that light into myself. Or perhaps I was simply shining in sympathy with it, as I had devoted it to the God-Emperor I had opened myself to allow His light to shine through me all the brighter as well!

“Only one way to find out,” I said, then bowed my head before the emblazoned Aquila on the cuirass before raising my face to the emblem, and my voice in praise.

An ancient hymn to the God-Emperor devoting my life, and my death, to His service spilled from my lips, and with every word, I could feel my strength returning. I could feel His light filling me as my heart and spirit opened to Him.

My voice rose to a crescendo as I neared the final verses, and for a moment it was like I could see again. My light, no, His light, was reflecting off of everything, and the armour was burning with gold, corpusant light that crackled like wildfire.

“Alessa?!” Isarae’s voice startled me out of my devotions, and I whirled about to face her.

I staggered back and cried out the moment my perception settled upon her on the balcony. She was?blinding.?Her whole body was lit like a caged supernova, and it was casting all the rest of the world in painful definition. Through that storm of gold fire, though, I could see something else.

A cascade of sunrise light streamed around her face, framing two stars of beautiful wisteria.

And they were wide with fear.

“Alessa?stop!” In a flash Isarae was at my side, her aura was flaring a violent shade of neon green shot through flares of teal. “You must stop this?now!”

“S-Stop what?!” I was clamping my eyes shut but it wasn’t doing any good. The light was impossible to ignore and impossible to shut out!

“You’re flaring your power into the warp itself, Alessa!” She took hold of me, pressing me so close to her that the whole of my perceptions were drowned in her light, and suddenly it… it wasn’t quite so bad.

There was nothing in my whole world but the warm and encompassing light being given off my Isarae’s soul.

“Calm yourself, my love,” Isarae muttered soothingly. “Be calm, you are too near to the warptides, you must come back to me.”

I took several deep breaths and Isarae’s calming cold-smoke scent filled my lungs as she held me close. I did as she said, I forced myself to calm down by reciting litanies and catechisms in my mind until I felt stable again.

The light slowly grew more bearable. Isarae’s form was no longer an avatar of brilliance, although she was as bright as usual, and my own body was less outlined than it had been before, but there was more definition now, I could see more details of myself.

My surroundings were still dull and shadow-cloaked, but so long as Isarae was nearby I could make out much of the main room at least.

As if I needed another reason to stay by her side.

“I hope you are feeling better, Alessa, because we must move quickly,” Isarae said sharply, she was already packing things in satchels; rations and medicine mostly, before slinging them over her shoulder. “We cannot remain in this spire!”

“Why?” I questioned as I staggered to my feet, though began donning the artificer power armour all the same.

If Isarae was concerned then I had to trust that it was for a good reason.

“That flare of power was like a beacon,” Isarae explained with a sigh. “I had hoped that the psychic fallout of your prayers the night my soul was saved would preserve our privacy, but that flare was far more localised, they will not have missed it.”

“They?” I locked the cuirass in place, and with some help from Isarae began donning the extremities. “Who is 'they', ‘Rae? You’ve been hiding something from me all this time and I deserve to know!”

Isarae let out a groan and I watched her outline ripple as, I think, she did that little shake of her head she does when she’s annoyed with herself.

“I ought to have known you would see through it,?Cre’yth,” she replied quietly. “How long have you known?”

“Since your first patrol,” I said truthfully, and she chuckled wanly. “Now tell me,?who is coming?”

“My Craftworld cousins,” Isarae said, and I felt a chill go down my spine. “They have been haunting this city for dozens of cycles, though I know not why… but they?will?have detected that surge, and they will come to investigate.”

“They would have felt it through the warp?” I asked, although I was certain I knew the answer.

“And on their detection arrays,” Isarae confirmed.

“Augur arrays could detect that?!” My eyes widened as grim premonition fell over me.

I felt Isarae frown as shadows clung to the edge of her aura, darkening the teal fear and concern. “I suppose so… it is an energy surge, so if someone were keeping track of the warptides, then they could not have missed it.”

“Then your cousins may not be the only ones on their way.”

The moment I spoke the words I knew they were true, and my fears were confirmed mere seconds later as I stood, fully armed and armoured, my ears were filled with the nostalgic roar of an Imperial dropship’s engine wash.

I wasn’t certain where Isarae’s mysterious kin were starting from, but the Priory of Gardens flew regular patrols over Amphitria. The Priory had its own small choir of Astropaths, it was how they had called for help, and if they had sensed me it would have been mere moments before the nearest patrol was informed of my location.

Isarae eyes were cast skyward, and even through the thin definition of my perceptions I could see the wide, worried expression, she wore punctuated by teal-shot green clinging to the edge of her aura.

It seemed I would not be able to put off my reunion with my Sisters any longer.

?