本章概述：

????????????亞歷桑德拉做出抉擇。

????????????In which Alessandra makes choices.

?

正文：

這很是奇怪，是你能逐漸習(xí)慣的那種奇怪。

我輕撫著五天前從小教堂那里挽救的精工動(dòng)力甲上光滑的陶鋼。我最近一直心不在焉，一身傷病讓我在疲勞到能倒頭就睡前做不了什么，?因此我轉(zhuǎn)而研究起這件盔甲。

盡管它無需再被拋光，我還是一邊用一塊軟布擦拭著陶鋼一邊念出每一條禱文，確保它的每一寸都光亮如新，同時(shí)讓自己試著不去想到這一片寂靜。

整個(gè)住所都靜悄悄的，而我一點(diǎn)也不喜歡這樣。

每當(dāng)一切安靜下來，我的內(nèi)心就會(huì)變得嘈雜，而當(dāng)它變得吵鬧時(shí)，心情便會(huì)趨于……糟糕。

記憶如潮水般涌入，關(guān)于我的姐妹們的記憶…….那場災(zāi)難性的著陸……在被炸成一片廢墟的安菲特里亞上慌不擇路地逃竄，還要在數(shù)個(gè)晝夜間保持清醒。

“地球的帝皇呵，愿您祝福這件圣潔的戰(zhàn)甲，”我輕聲低語，用那只完好的手上的軟布拂過肩甲。我的左臂正在恢復(fù)期，但進(jìn)展還是緩慢。“愿沉眠其中的高貴機(jī)魂以剛健直面艱險(xiǎn)，蓋因敵人眾多，危難常駐，然歷經(jīng)坎坷……帝皇庇佑?！?/p>

我放下了軟布，緊咬著嘴唇，回想起了我?guī)ё呖椎哪亲竦罾锏慕忝脗儭?/p>

“帝皇……庇佑，”我顫抖著重復(fù)道。

我的思緒萬千，現(xiàn)在急需什么能讓我更加分散注意力的事情，可伊莎萊一時(shí)半會(huì)兒也回不來。

幸好我還有一件任務(wù)可做，但愿它能在她回來前占據(jù)我的大部分時(shí)間。

我穿過居所走向放著我自己的動(dòng)力甲的地方。它受損嚴(yán)重，但盡管傷痕累累，它的機(jī)魂仍頑強(qiáng)地堅(jiān)守著自己的崗位。

我跪在胸甲前，小心翼翼地將它翻了個(gè)面，然后開始默念起休眠儀式，誘使機(jī)魂陷入沉睡并斷開與各個(gè)子系統(tǒng)的連接。我對這個(gè)可憐蟲充滿感激，它在我于安菲特里亞上歷經(jīng)磨難時(shí)一直保我周全，我真誠地希望它能夠安全地回到阿爾伯雷亞修道院的軍械庫里。它的勤勉配得上一輪徹底的清潔和修復(fù)，可當(dāng)下我只能讓它暫時(shí)喘口氣。

隨著最后一個(gè)系統(tǒng)停止工作，我解開了主反應(yīng)堆上的最后幾道保險(xiǎn)栓和密封口，打開凹室并取出了動(dòng)力核心。

它隱隱帶著一絲溫暖，充盈著帝皇作為全能機(jī)械神的一面的祝福。

據(jù)說這電池中盛放有受縛的星辰之火，一想到這是我們的作品，是人類的杰作，我內(nèi)心的信念便得到了進(jìn)一步的印證。

輕輕懷抱著電池，我?guī)е氐搅私烫美锏哪羌走叢⑵浞畔隆?/p>

“古老的機(jī)魂呵，祝福汝的沉眠，”我一邊吟唱著一邊解開盔甲背上的凹室的密封。“神皇之女懇求汝的復(fù)蘇，因汝之責(zé)任未盡?！?/p>

準(zhǔn)備好動(dòng)力凹室后，我拿起電池，小心地將它放上去，隨后將之滑入接口處。

“吾給予汝這搏動(dòng)的心臟，”我繼續(xù)說道，“這將汝從安眠中喚醒之火?！?/p>

電池連入盔甲時(shí)發(fā)出一聲脆響，第一陣提示燈光開始沿著主系統(tǒng)黯淡地閃爍起來。

“現(xiàn)在便蘇醒吧，圣靈呵，我們需要汝之威能，因敵軍又一次考驗(yàn)我們，”我開始按下儀式流程中的幾個(gè)激活符文?！叭曛邑懖磺?，汝矢志不渝，歐姆彌賽亞——即是神皇之賜福降臨于汝。”

盔甲隨著我完成喚醒儀式嗡嗡作響，它的諸多系統(tǒng)反饋了一系列的健康的綠燈，同時(shí)古老的機(jī)魂自行蘇醒，現(xiàn)在它的活力和戰(zhàn)備程度不遜以往。我撫過正在發(fā)熱的系統(tǒng)們，微笑著傾聽著機(jī)魂的咔嚓與啁啾。

我不是個(gè)技術(shù)神甫，所以我聽不懂它在說什么，但機(jī)魂活潑的嘮叨還是讓我露出了笑容。這個(gè)機(jī)魂已經(jīng)為修女會(huì)服務(wù)了數(shù)個(gè)世紀(jì)，甚至可能有上千年，而與它同在讓我安心。一個(gè)想法令我倍感寬慰：即便我們戰(zhàn)斗修女以祂之名殉道，我們的武備也可以被下一代人拿走，帶往神圣的戰(zhàn)爭中去，與機(jī)魂的記憶同往的也有著我們自己的一部分。

“早安，”隨著盔甲的熾熱核心響起了悅耳的節(jié)拍聲，我輕笑著說道。

片刻之后，一陣微弱的靜電音和噼啪聲傳進(jìn)了我的耳朵，我皺了皺眉。我還以為能聽到……

當(dāng)我踱到盔甲前把手伸進(jìn)護(hù)頸里時(shí)，我一時(shí)間瞪大了雙眼。

主通訊線路處在激活狀態(tài)。

那是一條設(shè)置在修女會(huì)的優(yōu)先通訊頻道上的自動(dòng)循環(huán)呼叫，為任何還活著的戰(zhàn)斗修女提供集結(jié)坐標(biāo)，并指示她們嘗試前往安菲特里亞北部邊界上的花園隱修院（Priory of Gardens）。

一意識(shí)到并非所有的姐妹都在首次登陸中被殺，我的心情便高漲起來。我的小隊(duì)或許已經(jīng)隕落，但證明并非所有的登陸都如此糟糕的證據(jù)還是極大地鼓舞了我的精神。

跟據(jù)它的聲音，已經(jīng)有足夠多的人員成功登陸并協(xié)助衛(wèi)軍保護(hù)著隱修院，不然的話這段循環(huán)播報(bào)還會(huì)帶有警告編碼。

隨著一次次循環(huán)，我的心逐漸沉了下來。

她們不但安好……循環(huán)播報(bào)還為所有落單的修女提供了撤離點(diǎn)，意味著我們的登陸艇至少有一艘幸存了下來。

她們會(huì)鎖定任何定位信標(biāo)并——

“媽的！”

我破口大罵并沖向盔甲，拉起護(hù)頸找到了傳聲系統(tǒng)，果不其然，信標(biāo)已經(jīng)準(zhǔn)備好發(fā)送了，而我想都沒想就伸手把它彈了下去，隨即松了口氣。

如果它發(fā)送出去了，我的姐妹們就會(huì)知道我的位置，然后——

我的心沉跌進(jìn)了谷底。

——然后……我為什么要這么做？

定位信標(biāo)會(huì)告我姐妹們我的確切位置。我可以撤離并在兩個(gè)標(biāo)準(zhǔn)時(shí)內(nèi)回到我的修會(huì)的懷抱中，只要她們調(diào)動(dòng)迅速，如果附近有個(gè)機(jī)組人員的話可能花的時(shí)間會(huì)更少。

而我只需要重新打開定位器，然后……

伊莎萊。

我轉(zhuǎn)身離開了盔甲，盯著住所的門。

她還要好幾個(gè)小時(shí)才能回來。如果我現(xiàn)在就呼叫我的姐妹們，她們就能神不知鬼不覺地把我撤走。伊莎萊已經(jīng)帶走了她的噴氣摩托和裝備，所以沒有跡象能表明曾有一個(gè)靈族跟我在一起。我可以打開它，回到我的修會(huì)和我的姐妹們那里。

我可以回到我的生活中。

而伊莎萊會(huì)走向她的死亡。

如果我現(xiàn)在就離開，那伊莎萊就會(huì)回到一個(gè)空的…什么？空的家里？這不是我們的家，這是我們擅自挪用的別人的家。

然而，在過去的幾天里，這里已經(jīng)感覺上像是個(gè)家了。

至少，這里感覺有點(diǎn)像我曾經(jīng)想象的一個(gè)家的感覺。

無論怎樣，這里都會(huì)人去樓空，而伊莎萊會(huì)意識(shí)到我離開了她，然后她也會(huì)離開，去追尋她來到這個(gè)世界時(shí)所追尋的東西。

我不想要伊莎萊死，我知道的就這么多。我對此有著各種各樣的理由，其中最有力的一個(gè)之一單純是我欠她好幾條命。我早就不再從她的行動(dòng)中尋找隱藏的動(dòng)機(jī)，逐漸接受了一個(gè)靈族女性僅僅只是想讓我活下來的事實(shí)，因?yàn)椤驗(yàn)樗矚g我。

因?yàn)槲覀兪恰擞眩?/p>

我們不僅僅只是盟友，或至少她對我有著更多的意義，我也想相信自己對她不只是意味著這個(gè)。

我再一次傾聽著通訊線路的自動(dòng)循環(huán)播報(bào)，而我們離開小教堂時(shí)伊莎萊對我說的話又回到了我的耳邊。

為了你，亞歷桑德拉，我會(huì)做任何事。

“任何事……”我溫柔地嘀咕著。

我把手伸進(jìn)盔甲里，找到了傳聲單元，斷開了電力供給，那自動(dòng)循環(huán)的消息便陷入了靜默。

當(dāng)伊莎萊在大約四個(gè)半小時(shí)后回來時(shí)，我已經(jīng)回去清潔我的爆彈槍了。它早就一塵不染并上了油，但也沒有理由冒險(xiǎn)。

“歡迎回來，”我對著她微笑，她點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭，把挎包丟在地上，嘴唇微微地上揚(yáng)。

她開始卸下補(bǔ)給，大部份又是食物和藥品。

“我給你找了些東西，”伊莎萊停止卸貨，在包里翻騰了一陣。

她拿起了一個(gè)小盒子并遞給我。我對著這個(gè)光滑的金屬匣子揚(yáng)起眉毛，然后接過去打開，隨后張大了嘴巴。

“我在一座高塔里找到了這個(gè)，”伊莎萊一邊繼續(xù)卸貨一邊解釋說?！八湍隳橆a上的記號(hào)相符，所以我覺得你或許會(huì)喜歡它?！?/p>

“那是朵鳶尾花（fleur de lis），”我輕聲說道，從天鵝絨內(nèi)襯里抽出那個(gè)鑲有寶石的發(fā)夾?！八俏业恼麄€(gè)修會(huì)的標(biāo)志，是修女會(huì)的記號(hào)。”

“一個(gè)圣徽？”她問到，看著我揚(yáng)起了眉毛。

我點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭。

是我的信仰的象征。

我想知道這是命運(yùn)使然還是別的什么。是陛下對我所負(fù)使命的提醒，還是對我的選擇的奇怪的默許。

我來這里是有某種理由的嗎？抑或我和伊莎萊共度的時(shí)光是對我的使命的懈??？

一只手按在了發(fā)夾上，我抬頭看到伊莎萊跪在我的身邊，她修長而優(yōu)美的手指從我手上取下了發(fā)夾。在我來得及問她為什么這么做前她便用手指編起我的頭發(fā)，在我耳后別下一縷，并用鳶尾花將之固定到位。

“你瞧，”伊莎萊微笑著用指節(jié)輕拂過我的臉頰，“它跟你很是相配。”

她欣賞著我，她的笑容一時(shí)之間把我釘在了原地，然后她便起身，在短暫得令人心痛的一瞬間貼著我的額頭，然后轉(zhuǎn)身去歸納她的收獲。

“等你恢復(fù)得差不多了，我們就該開始拳擊訓(xùn)練了，”伊莎萊邊說邊篩選著補(bǔ)給?！斑@樣會(huì)在你恢復(fù)后加固你的四肢?！?/p>

“我覺得它會(huì)的，”我嘀咕著，我的手指在發(fā)夾上停留了一會(huì)兒，然后我抬起頭來微笑著看向她?！澳銜?huì)教我怎么像你那樣移動(dòng)嗎？”

“如果有可能的話，那當(dāng)然了，”伊莎萊越過肩膀?qū)ξ医器镆恍Γ业男奶D時(shí)漏了一拍。

我不確定自己該不該為關(guān)掉信標(biāo)而后悔，而我只知道我沒有后悔。

——————————————————————————————————————

“不要只是猛扣扳機(jī)，”伊莎萊在另一陣野蠻的毒晶開火打中臨時(shí)標(biāo)靶時(shí)責(zé)備道。“毒晶武器可不是爆炸物。”

“我在努力了，”我邊抱怨邊松散地握住武器，又一次舉槍瞄準(zhǔn)?！拔?guī)缀踹€沒碰到扳機(jī)呢！”

“那可不是個(gè)好兆頭，”她冷幽默地回答道，帶著挑剔的表情繞著我打轉(zhuǎn)。

藜蘆是與它的姊妹悔恨一同構(gòu)成伊莎萊僅有的遠(yuǎn)程武器的毒晶手槍的名字。我花了七天來無聊到乞求她給我上課，她則欣然應(yīng)允。我們并沒有在據(jù)為己有的居所里嘗試它，而是去了往上一層的風(fēng)化稍嚴(yán)重的套間里，并設(shè)置了一系列的重組木板作為靶子。

“你們的武器粗制濫造，每次開火都會(huì)浪費(fèi)太多的能量，”伊莎萊漫不經(jīng)心地評(píng)論道?！岸揪謽寷]有上跳，沒有浪費(fèi)的能量，因此只需最巧妙最輕柔的觸碰。”

隨著伊莎萊溜到我身后，我整個(gè)人都僵住了，她把我她的雙臂與我的對齊，讓我們的位置成一條直線，拿起了藜蘆并舉槍瞄準(zhǔn)。

“看好了，”她的嗓音化作溫和的細(xì)浪打在我的耳朵上。

標(biāo)靶上出現(xiàn)了另外半打新的傷痕，而就我所知她甚至還沒彎曲手指。

“你是怎么——？”

“別看我的手，亞歷莎，”伊莎萊指示道，“往低了看……沿著手腕往下，看好那些肌腱……”

我強(qiáng)行讓目光穩(wěn)穩(wěn)地鎖定在她的手腕上，瞬息間我看到她蒼白的皮膚下肌肉出現(xiàn)了最低程度的一顫，隨即又有一些碎片釘進(jìn)了靶子里。

“最輕微的壓力就能啟動(dòng)拱彈，”伊莎萊輕聲說道，抓過我的手，把它放回了握把上?！按判怨椘鲿?huì)在毒晶薄片折斷在彈膛里時(shí)抓住它們，并以接近高超音速把它們推出出?！?/p>

我緩緩地深呼吸了一次，專注于伊莎萊做過的事情。我收縮起肌肉，首先是二頭肌，然后是前臂，小心翼翼地控制著，然后施壓，隨后感到手臂里積攢的壓力沿著肌肉一路增長，直至……

隨著一陣碎片以與伊莎萊開槍時(shí)幾乎完全相同的方式打上了標(biāo)靶，我?guī)缀醣牧似饋?，一陣得意的浪潮涌上心頭！

“哈！”我嬉皮笑臉地轉(zhuǎn)向伊莎萊，“你看到了嗎？！我……!”

她正對著我微笑。

她低頭看著我，眼中閃著微光，臉上帶著燦爛的笑容，和……自豪。

“很好，”她點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭，拍拍我的肩膀。“現(xiàn)在只需學(xué)著按照指令這么做，我們或許還能把你變成一個(gè)精確射手呢?！?/p>

———————————————————————————————————————

十個(gè)晝夜。

我的世界完全是一片飛舞的拳頭和劇烈的動(dòng)作。伊莎萊快得難以置信，在居所中心練習(xí)拳擊時(shí)我?guī)缀鯚o法避免被側(cè)擊打中。

她的風(fēng)格跟帝國的完全不同。

她如液態(tài)火焰般移動(dòng)，吞噬著眼前的空間并蔓延到周圍的一切事物上。有那么一次她離我?guī)撞竭h(yuǎn)，而在下一個(gè)瞬間她就進(jìn)入了我的防區(qū)，把我的手肘打向一邊，破壞了我的姿態(tài)，切斷了我的下盤，然后我就躺到地上了。

“再快點(diǎn)，Cre’yth，”伊莎萊伸出一只手，對著我得意地笑了笑。“我們還會(huì)讓你變得更快?！?/p>

我踉蹌著從地上站了起來，伊莎萊皺起了眉頭。

“你才剛剛恢復(fù)過來，”她溫柔地責(zé)備道，雙手環(huán)著我把我拉到座位上。

“我還好，”我不屑地?cái)[擺手?！拔抑皇菬o所事事太久了，雖說我的確氣喘吁吁，這是挺煩人的，但還不是世界末日呢。”

“移動(dòng)時(shí)步伐要穩(wěn)，亞歷莎，”伊莎萊把汗?jié)竦念^發(fā)從我臉上撥開，又一次露出微笑。“我覺得我們很快就能讓你比以前更強(qiáng)。”

她的觸碰比她的話語更舒適，盡管我不確定要如何承認(rèn)這點(diǎn)，甚至不確定是否該這么做。

我當(dāng)然很確定她知道。鑒于我們?nèi)绾味冗^夜晚，她又怎么不會(huì)呢？沒有她在身邊的話我?guī)缀跛恢?，而那雙環(huán)繞著我的修長而美麗的雙臂已經(jīng)迅速地變成了一項(xiàng)剛需。

沒有它們，噩夢總是會(huì)回來。

血與死亡……姐妹們空洞而冷漠的凝視……血肉燒焦和城市燃燒的氣味。

所有這些都被伊莎萊的冷煙的味道驅(qū)散了。

她的雙臂在她扶著我走向浴室并開始放水的時(shí)候繼續(xù)支撐著我。我們已經(jīng)在幾天前熟練掌握了去掉香油的技巧，因此這現(xiàn)在可以忍受得多了。

“你的胳膊已經(jīng)接近痊愈了，”伊莎萊邊說邊把我放到浴室邊上。

我的肢體正因勞累而打顫，肌肉仍因外傷，棄置和恢復(fù)時(shí)的勞損而稍有萎縮。

“我為此感激神皇，”我回答道，隨著熱水浴準(zhǔn)備完成而呼吸沉重?！拔铱刹幌朐诼殬I(yè)生涯中這么早就被迫用上輔助設(shè)備?！?/p>

“嗯，”伊莎萊輕笑著坐到我身后的石質(zhì)地板上，開始往我的頭上打泡沫?！拔医ㄗh你去拜訪下我的血伶人，如果他還活著的話……我敢肯定他的實(shí)驗(yàn)室里還有幾條閑置的手臂能給你用。”

“我不敢肯定你是不是在開玩笑，”我平淡地看了她一眼，而她回敬的神秘莫測的笑容并沒有回答這個(gè)問題。

“肌肉移植幾乎不會(huì)引起注意，”她漫不經(jīng)心地說，一遍按摩我的頭發(fā)和頭皮?！岸椅覐?qiáng)烈推薦激素腺體……你的睡眠可完全不是你說的那樣?！?/p>

“我最近已經(jīng)不怎么在意了，”我柔聲回道，隨后想到伊莎萊的聽力有多好，便咬住了嘴唇。

她靈巧的雙手停頓了一下，隨后又繼續(xù)手上的動(dòng)作，但她沒有回答。

“抱歉，”我過了一會(huì)兒回答道。

“用不著這樣，”她回答道，然后收起雙手，拍拍肩膀告訴我她完事了，隨后開始沖洗泡沫。

我把頭埋進(jìn)水面下，攪動(dòng)著的熱水在沖洗前帶了走頭上的汗液，我享受著這份熱意。

伊莎萊最后也滑進(jìn)了水里，盡管我懷疑她一滴汗也沒流過，然后我轉(zhuǎn)過身去讓她沖洗我的頭發(fā)。

說真的，我甚至不是很確定這次還是否需要伊莎萊的幫助，我的雙臂很疲憊，但也不是一無是處。然而，在過去的幾個(gè)晝夜里我們已經(jīng)愈發(fā)習(xí)慣呆在一起，她也在我的手臂恢復(fù)時(shí)開始為我清洗頭發(fā)。

出于某些原因，我從未讓她停下來過，而伊莎萊看上去也從未想要這么做過。不管她有著什么理由，這個(gè)靈族女性似乎享受著這么照顧我，我也得承認(rèn)我也享受她的溺愛。

我覺得我會(huì)喜歡這樣的原因是，與伊莎萊相處時(shí)從未有高人一等的感覺。她在陪練時(shí)狠狠地收拾了我，在我們結(jié)束前從不放松。然后她又會(huì)格外小心地確保我的健康和安全，她會(huì)照顧我。

這樣感覺很好。

伊莎萊的胳膊在水下繞過我的腰間，隨著她把我拉近，我哼出了一聲細(xì)微的同意。我讓她這么做，一直如此……她的觸碰從未不受歡迎，我轉(zhuǎn)過頭依偎在她的頸彎上。

“你這人可真是古怪，亞歷莎，”伊莎萊輕笑著說。

亞歷莎。

我都不確定她是什么時(shí)候開始這么稱呼我的，說真的我也沒細(xì)想過，就像我記不起自己是什么時(shí)候和她熟絡(luò)到稱她為’萊一樣。我們都沒有為此發(fā)表過看法，也未曾抱怨，我們只是把這個(gè)當(dāng)做一個(gè)愉快的習(xí)慣陷了進(jìn)去。

“說出這句話的是一個(gè)剛剛還在為我洗頭的黑暗靈族，”我回敬道，伊莎萊神秘地笑了笑。

這份熱度讓我倍感舒適，伊莎萊更是如此，我把自己拉進(jìn)了些直到完全貼在了她身上，幾乎把臉埋在了她的脖頸間。

那份沖動(dòng)就在此時(shí)找上了我。

它突如其來到我甚至沒來得及細(xì)想就沉浸于此。

我親吻了伊莎萊的脖頸。

出于某種原因我期待著她的勸阻，或是訓(xùn)斥，但她沒有。她只是在這個(gè)觸碰下僵硬了一會(huì)兒，隨后就放松了下來。

圣徒們都知道我不該再這么做了。我真的，真的不應(yīng)該這么做……這是個(gè)黑暗靈族，無論我們有多熟絡(luò)，不管我們奇怪的關(guān)系如何，這肯定太過分了。

可是，教堂里的那個(gè)吻的記憶依舊纏繞著我。伊莎萊的嘴唇在我的身上留下的感覺……

我輕輕顫抖著，俯身再次親吻她的脖頸。

又是一次。

又是一次。

每一次都逐漸往上，我的手輕輕抱著她的脖子，感受著她加速的脈搏。

我停在了她的長而尖的耳朵下方。作為生理結(jié)構(gòu)上的警示物，它告訴我自己正在和一個(gè)明顯非人的存在沉溺于這個(gè)沖動(dòng)中。

異端。

這個(gè)想法在我的腦海中一閃而過，我后退了一步，深吸了一口氣，然后向前傾倒，額頭抵在伊莎萊的肩膀上。

“對不起，”我用生硬的語氣又一次說了出來，“我……我不知道自己是怎么了。”

伊莎萊只是搖了搖頭，隨著她用雙臂拉近并緊緊地?fù)ё∥遥易⒁獾搅怂橆a上的一片淡淡的紅暈。

她什么也沒說，甚至沒有動(dòng)作。她只是用一股近乎絕望的力量抱著我，修長的手指埋進(jìn)了我的發(fā)絲間，臉抵在我的頭頂上。

在這個(gè)過程中，我能聽到她的心跳，既微弱，又震耳欲聾。

一想到它或許會(huì)在某一天安靜下來，一陣苦澀的電流便穿過了我的全身，突然之間我的雙臂也摟住了伊莎萊，盡我所能地緊緊抱著她。

伊莎萊……我的伊莎萊。

神皇寬恕我。

——————————————————————————————————————

“Ao’lanya!”?

我在第一式的眼花繚亂的動(dòng)作中旋轉(zhuǎn)，踏著復(fù)雜的步法以刀片狀的剃刀連枷切割斬?fù)簟?/p>

“Beith’ha!”

隨著第一式的收尾和第二式的展開，我的拇指微微地壓上握把的網(wǎng)格，將我的手臂拉出一道錯(cuò)綜復(fù)雜的圓弧。分段的刀刃輕響著彈開，在我的周身飛舞。

“Mar’Saim!”

我將動(dòng)作的力度轉(zhuǎn)變?yōu)橐粋€(gè)跳躍，剃刀連枷在我的身邊嘶嘶作響，一時(shí)間將我包圍在了鋒利的金屬片中間。

隨后我身體前傾，拇指一抖將刀片收回，施加的力道剛好足夠快速地拉動(dòng)刀片，但又沒有大到讓它們像臺(tái)鉗一樣包裹住我，畢竟我已經(jīng)看著伊莎萊做過很多次了。

我雙腳落地，將自身的動(dòng)量用刀刃的一記猛砍釋放出去。在連枷彎曲到最大弧度的一瞬間我又猛地放出了這條卷須，又一次將刀片甩成一連串的弧線，力道之狠辣撕開了我面前的墻壁。

“夠了！”伊莎萊喊道，我立刻回到了第一式，擺開架勢將一節(jié)節(jié)刀片收成一整片利刃。

“我做到了！”我低聲喊道，肺臟因力竭繃得緊緊的，我在落地的位置上一屁股坐了下來，大口大口的地呼吸著空氣。

人類的身體本不應(yīng)該像這般移動(dòng)，但就像我對伊莎萊說的，我們首先是一個(gè)適應(yīng)力很強(qiáng)的物種。不過，天衣無縫地完成三套完整的Lacerai招式讓我精疲力竭，而伊莎萊能分毫不差地施展全部十七個(gè)，這實(shí)在是難以置信。

“我覺得，除非你正在和另一個(gè)我的同類交手，否則就不需要移動(dòng)地那么快，”伊莎萊指出這點(diǎn)，坐到我的身邊。我不知為何，但感覺她看上去比以前更加慘白了?！皩δ銈兊姆N族來講，你就像是刀鋒死神的幻影一樣?！?/p>

“但我還是遠(yuǎn)不及你，”我指出。

她的臉上短暫地劃過一絲奇怪的悲傷，隨后又微笑著搖搖頭。

“你是人類，亞歷莎，”她輕笑著回答道?！澳愕纳硖匦圆⒉煌耆С诌@些招式和動(dòng)作?！?/p>

“我不覺得我們看上去有多么不同，”我回?fù)舻?，上上下下地打量著她，幾乎掩飾不住地享受其中?！澳阒皇潜任沂莞吡艘恍??！?/p>

“我不是這個(gè)意思，”伊莎萊伸出她裸露的手臂并轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)，收縮?！凹∪夂图‰煸陟`族的身體框架里處在不同的位置上。”

隨著她轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)身體，我開始明白她的意思了，我好奇這是不是人類看到靈族時(shí)感到的微妙的錯(cuò)誤感之一。他們的身形與我們的十分相似，但我們之間的細(xì)微差別已經(jīng)足夠留下形貌意義上的不適。

“骨骼的排布也有所不同，”她繼續(xù)說道。“而我們的反應(yīng)速度也相差懸殊?！?/p>

“我覺得我知道你在說什么了，”我伸手撫摸著她身上對應(yīng)著人類的二頭肌的肌肉。

然后我向下摸索，直到我們的手掌相遇，十指相扣。

我們兩個(gè)都盯了相扣的雙手許久，然后伊莎萊終于搖了搖頭，虛弱地輕笑起來。

“我們還能這么做多久呢，Cre’yth？”

我皺起眉頭。

“做什么？”

“這個(gè)！”伊莎萊指向我們四周。“你最終必須要回到你的修會(huì)，不是嗎？”

我的眉頭擰得更緊了。“是——是這樣，可直到現(xiàn)在她們在哪還尚不可知呢！”

此乃謊言。

我知道她們在哪。

“我們可以定位到她們，”伊莎萊提議，“你還有一場要繼續(xù)進(jìn)行的戰(zhàn)爭，對嗎？而且你早就恢復(fù)到足以參戰(zhàn)的程度了！”

“嗯，確實(shí)，可是——！”

“那么，你想要拋棄你的修會(huì)嗎？”

我愣住了。

伊莎萊的話語戳穿了我為自己一直堅(jiān)決回避的那個(gè)問題找的的論據(jù)和理由。

我還能為我的拖延找上多久的理由？當(dāng)她們?yōu)楸Ｐl(wèi)花園修道院中心的圣殿而戰(zhàn)死，而我卻在一旁袖手旁觀時(shí)，我還能問心無愧多久？

“三十個(gè)晝夜，亞歷莎，”伊莎萊無情地說。“自我們在這里住下已經(jīng)過去了三十天了，而我把你帶回來也不只是為了讓你恢復(fù)健康，也是為了讓你更加堅(jiān)強(qiáng)。”

“我知道！”我厲聲說道?！澳阌X得我意識(shí)不到這點(diǎn)嗎？！你覺得我在這間小屋里安然無恙地時(shí)候就不關(guān)心我的姐妹們還在生死一線嗎？！”

“那你為什么還在這里拖著？！”

“因?yàn)橹滥銜?huì)死也一樣難以忍受！”我咆哮出這句話，伊莎萊猛地回過神來?！拔抑灰浑x開你，你就會(huì)離開，然后你就會(huì)——”

剩下的想法卡在了嘴邊。我忍受不了……單是這個(gè)想法就讓我心如刀絞，因此我更緊地抓住了伊莎萊的手。

“我無論如何都會(huì)死的，亞歷莎，”伊莎萊站了起來，抽回自己的手，把剃刀連枷從我那里拿回來固定到腰上?！暗戎摇視?huì)找到你的姐妹們?！?/p>

“為什么？”我厭惡自己的聲音如此之小。“為什么是現(xiàn)在？”

伊莎萊輕輕地嘆了口氣。

“有一場暴風(fēng)雨正在逼近，相當(dāng)大的一場，”她回答道?！叭绻覀儸F(xiàn)在不動(dòng)身的話，我們可能要一個(gè)多星期后才能再試一次，也許更久?！?/p>

“我們就不能再等這一周嗎？”我任性地說出口，隨后又愁眉苦臉起來。“算了……隨你怎么做吧，伊莎萊?！?/p>

她畏縮于我用了她的全名，以及我語氣中的咬牙切齒。

“我只做我必須做的事，”伊莎萊悲傷地回答?！拔疫@么做是因?yàn)橐暷闳粽鋵?，亞歷莎。”

然后她就離開了。

伊莎萊消失在了窗戶外，連腳步聲的回響都沒有。我在原地待了許久，最終還是迫使自己站起來，艱難地回到我們共享的住處。

噴氣摩托不見了，我對伊莎萊或許還會(huì)重新考慮并等著我的希望也消失了。

教堂里的那件盔甲的反光吸引了我的注意力，我向它走去。它干凈整潔，這出自我之手，我考慮起了伊莎萊的提問的含義。

我愿意放棄我的修會(huì)嗎？

我的姐妹們？

為了一個(gè)靈族？

我厭惡于自己無法立刻給出答案，哪怕是在內(nèi)心深處。我只知道我欠伊莎萊一個(gè)真相。

我已經(jīng)知道我的姐妹們在哪的真相。

我這么久以來選擇和她在一起而不是她們的真相。

然后我會(huì)乞求她和我一起回去，接受制裁……說不定我們甚至可以被……

我嘆了口氣。

不，那樣的話對帝國的要求可能就太高了，但至少我會(huì)告訴她我的心聲。我也欠她這個(gè)真相，也欠自己這個(gè)真相。

?

原文：

It’s strange, what you can get used to.

I ran my hands over the smooth ceramite of the artificer armour we had rescued from the chapel five cycles ago. My thoughts were full of distraction lately, and my injuries meant that I couldn’t simply practice forms until I was exhausted enough to fall asleep, so instead I worked on the armour.

While it didn’t need to be polished, I still spoke each of the litanies over it as I ran a soft cloth across the ceramite, ensuring every inch of it was clean while I tried to keep myself from thinking about the quiet.

The whole of the quarters were quiet and I did not like it one bit.

When it was quiet, my mind would get loud, and when it got loud it would tend to get… bad.?

Memories would flood in, memories of my sisters… of the disastrous landing… of running pell-mell through the bombed-out nightmare of Amphitria while staying awake for cycles on end.

“Emperor on Earth, bless this holy wargear,” I muttered quietly as I ran the cloth over the left pauldron with my good hand. My left arm was healing, but slowly. “May the noble spirit who slumbers within be hale in the face of danger, for the foes are many, the threats eternal, yet through it all… the Emperor protects.”

I lowered the cloth and bit my lip as I recalled the sisters of the shrine I’d taken the armour from.

“The Emperor… protects,” I repeated shakily.

My mind was racing. I needed something to distract myself further, and Isarae wouldn’t be back for hours.

Fortunately I still had a task I could do, and hopefully one that would take up the majority of my time until she was back.

I crossed the quarters to where my own power armour was laid out. It was badly damaged, but the machine spirit still doggedly persisted with its duty in spite of its wounds.

Kneeling before the cuirass, I turned it over carefully and began muttering the rites of slumber, coaxing the machine spirit to sleep with every disconnected subsystem. I was grateful to the poor thing, it had kept me safe and alive throughout my ordeal in Amphitria, and I dearly hoped I could return it to the armories of the Convent Arborea safely. It deserved a thorough round of cleansing and repairs for its diligence, but for now I could only grant it reprieve.

With the last system put to rest, I released the final locks and seals on the suit’s main reactor, opened the alcove, and drew out the power cell.

It was faintly warm and hummed with the blessings of the Emperor in his aspect as the Machine God.

The cell was said to contain the caged fires of a star, and the notion that this was our work, the work in mankind, was yet more proof of my faith in my mind.

Cradling the cell with care, I carried it back to the chapel armour and set it down.

“Oh ancient spirit, blessed be thy slumber,” I intoned as I released the alcove seals on the back of the armour. “This daughter of the Emperor implores thee awaken, for thy duty is not discharged.”

With the power alcove prepared, I took up the cell and carefully set it into place before sliding it into the junction.

“This beating heart I give to thee,” I continued, “this fire to wake thee from thy rest.”

The cell clicked as it linked into the armour, and the first lights began to flicker sullenly awake along the main systems.

“Wake now, oh Spirit, thy might is needed for the Enemy tests us once again,” I began pressing the runes of activation in the ritual combinations. “Thou art faithful, thou art true, and the blessings of the Omnissiah who is the God-Emperor be upon thee.”

The armour hummed dutifully to life as I completed the rite of awakening, and its various systems reported a series of healthy green lights as the noble old spirit roused itself, no less vital and battle-ready now than it ever was. I ran my hand over the warming systems and smiled, listening to the spirit click and chirp.

I was no techpriest, so I couldn’t understand what it was saying, but the lively chatter of the spirit made me smile nonetheless. This machine spirit had served the Adeptus Sororitas for centuries, maybe even millennia, and being in its presence gave me comfort. I took reassurance from the idea that even as we Sisters of Battle fell as martyrs in His name our wargear could be taken up again by the next generation to be carried to holy war, and with it some part of us was carried in the memory of the machine spirits.

“Good morning,” I said with a small laugh as the armour finally settled into a pleasant beat of its fiery core.

A faint wash and crackle of static struck my ears a moment later, and I frowned. I thought I could hear…

My eyes widened as I stepped around to the front of the suit and reached into the gorget.?

The primary comlink was active.

It was a call set to autocycle on a Sororitas priority vox channel giving coordinates for rendezvous for any Sisters of Battle who yet lived, and instructing them to try and reach the Priory of Gardens at the northern edge of Amphitria.

My heart soared as I realised that not all of my sisters had been slain in the initial landing. My squad may have fallen but the proof that not all of the landings had not gone so poorly buoyed my spirits considerably.

From the sounds of it, enough of them had landed in support of the Guard to secure the Priory itself, otherwise the autocycle would contain a coded warning.

As the cycle continued, my heart started to sink.

Not only were they secure… the cycle offered extraction to any isolated Sisters, meaning at least one of our landing crafts had survived.

They would lock on to any locator signum and-

“Frak!”?

I cursed as I lunged for the armour, pulled at the gorget, and found the vox system. Sure enough, the signum was getting ready to transmit, and without thinking I reached out and flicked it off, then breathed a sigh of relief.

If that had gone off my Sisters would have known where I was and-

My heart fell.

-and… why did I do that?

The locator signum would have told my Sisters my exact location. I could be extracted and returned to the embrace of my Order in under two hours standard if they mobilised quickly enough, maybe even less if a crew was close by.

All I had to do was turn the locator back on and…

Isarae.

I turned away from the armour to stare at the door to the quarters.

She wouldn’t be back for several hours. If I called my sisters down now they could retrieve me and no one would be the wiser. Isarae had taken the jetbike and her gear, so there were no signs anywhere that an Eldar had been here with me. I could turn it on, and go back to my Order and my Sisters.

I could go back to my life.

And Isarae would go to her death.

If I left now, Isarae would come back to an empty… what? An empty home? This wasn’t our home, this was someone else’s home that we were squatting in.

And yet, the past few days it had begun to?feel?like a home.

At least, it felt a little like what I used to imagine a home might feel like.

Either way, it would be empty, and Isarae would realise I had left her, and then she would leave too, and go find the thing she had come to this world for.

I didn’t want Isarae to die, that much I knew. I had a variety of reasons for it, one of the strongest of which was simply that I owed her my life many times over. I had long since stopped trying to find ulterior motives in her actions, and come to accept that the Eldar woman simply wanted to keep me alive because… because she liked me.

Because we were… allies?

We were more than just allies, far more, or at the very least she meant more than that to me, and I wanted to believe I was more than that to her.

The words Isarae spoke as we returned from the chapel came back to me as I listened to the comlink autocycle again.

For you, Alessandra, I would do anything.

“Anything…” I muttered softly.

I reached inside the suit, found the vox unit, detached the power feed, and the autocycling message went silent.

When Isarae eventually returned some four and a half hours later, I was back to cleaning my bolter. It was already spotless and oiled, but there was no reason to take a risk.

“Welcome back,” I smiled up at her, and her lips twitched up faintly as she nodded and dropped her satchel to the ground.

She began unloading the supplies, mostly food and medical again.

“I found you something,” Isarae paused her unloading to shift a few things around in the bag.

She lifted up a small box and held it out to me. I raised my eyebrow at the smooth metal case, then took it, cracked it open, and my jaw dropped.

“I found it in a high spire,” Isarae explained as she went back to unloading. “It matched the mark on your cheek, so I thought you might like it.”

“That’s a?fleur de lis,” I said softly, drawing out the jeweled hairpin from the velvet interior. “It’s the mark of my Order as a whole, the sign the Adeptus Sororitas.”

“A holy symbol?” She asked, her eyebrows raised as she looked up at me.

I nodded.

A symbol of my faith.

I wondered if this was fate or something else. If this was a silent reminder from His Divine Majesty of my duties, or an odd, tacit approval of my choice.

Was I here for a reason? Or was this time spent with Isarae the dereliction of my duty.

A hand pressed down over the pin, and I looked up to see Isarae kneeling beside me, her long, graceful fingers plucking the pin from my hand. Before I could ask what she was doing she wove her fingers into my hair, tucked a lock behind my ear, and pinned it into place with the fleur de lis.

“There,” Isarae smiled and brushed her knuckles lightly over my cheek, “that looks good on you.”

Her smile locked me in place for the moment it took her to admire me before she stood, pressed to my forehead for a heartaching instant, then turned to return to sorting her finds.

“Once you are well enough, we should start sparring,” Isarae said as she sifted through the supplies. “It will help strengthen your limbs after your recovery.”

“I suppose it will,” I muttered, my fingers coming up to rest on the hairpin for a moment, and I smiled as I looked up at her. “Will you teach me to move like you do?”?

“If it is possible, certainly,” Isarae smirked over her shoulder at me, and my heart skipped.

I wasn’t sure if I should regret deactivating the signum, all I knew was that I didn’t.

?

“Do not just yank on the trigger,” Isarae admonished as another wild spray of splinter fire struck the makeshift target. “Splinter weapons are not explosives.”

“I’m trying,” I grumbled as I held the weapon in a loose grip and took aim again. “I barely even touched the trigger!”

“That bodes poorly,” she replied dryly as she circled me with a critical look on her face.?

Hellebore was the name of her splinter pistol which, along with its sister pistol Rue, made up Isarae’s only ranged weaponry. It had taken me seven cycles to grow bored enough to beg her for lessons, and she had agreed happily. Rather than attempt it in the quarters we’d taken for ourselves, we moved one level up to a slightly more weather-worn set of rooms and set up a series of reconstituted falsewood slats as targets.

“Your weapons are crude things with too much wasted energy bleeding through them every time they are fired,” Isarae commented blithely. “Splinter weaponry has no kick, no wasted energy, and so requires only the deftest and lightest of touches.”

I froze as Isarae slipped up behind me and matched brought her arms around to line up with mine and, keeping or positions aligned, took Hellebore and aimed.

“Watch,” her voice was a warm ripple against my ear.

The target sprouted a half-dozen new slivers of damage, and as far as I could tell she hadn’t even twitched her finger.

“How did you-?”

“Don’t watch my hand, Alessa,” Isarae instructed, “l(fā)ook lower… follow the wrist down and watch the tendons…”

I forced myself to keep my eyes fixed firmly on her wrist, and an instant later I saw the barest twitch of muscle beneath her pale skin followed by another several slivers hammering into target.

“The slightest pressure will engage the ammunition feed,” Isarae spoke quietly as she took my hand and settled it back on the grip. “The magnetic feeds capture the slivers as they’re sheared off inside the loading chamber and propel them out at nearly hypersonic speeds”

Taking a deep, slow breath, I focused on what Isarae had done. I flexed the muscles, first in my bicep, then up to my forearm, carefully controlling then pressure, and feeling the building tension in my arm being pushed up along my muscles until-

I nearly jumped as a handful of slivers impacted the target in almost the exact manner they had when Isarae had been firing the pistol, and I felt a surge of triumph!

“Ha!” I turned, grinning, to Isarae. “Did you see?! I…!”

She was smiling at me.

Isarae was looking down at me with with a gleam in her eyes and a wide, brimming grin, and… pride.

“Good,” she nodded, patting my shoulder. “Now just learn to do that on command and we might make a markswoman out of you yet.”

?

Ten Cycles.

My world is a roil of flying fists and onrushing motion. Isarae is unbelievably fast, and I can barely keep myself from being struck by glancing blows as we spar across the center of our quarters.

Her style is like nothing Imperial.

She moved like liquid fire, consuming the space in front of her and spreading to everything adjacent. In one moment she was several steps away from me, and the next she was inside my guard, knocking my elbows aside, breaking my stance, cutting my roots, and then I’m on the floor.

“Faster,?Cre’yth,” Isarae shot me a smirk as she held out a hand. “We will make you faster yet.”

I staggered as I got to my feet, and Isarae frowned.

“You’re only barely recovered,” she admonished gently, getting her arms around me and pulling me towards a seat.

“I’m fine,” I waved my hand dismissively. “I’ve just been idle for too long, I’m winded, which is galling but not the end of the galaxy.”

“Move at a steady pace, Alessa,” Isarae brushed my sweat-matted hair from my face, and smiled again. “We’ll have you better than before quite soon, I think.”

Her touch was more comforting than her words, although I wasn’t certain how to admit that, or if I even should.

I was certain she knew, of course. How could she not, given how we spend our nights? I can hardly sleep without having her nearby anymore, and the feeling of those long, graceful arms holding on to me have quickly become a necessity.

Without them, the nightmares would always return.

The blood and death… the empty, dead gazes of my sisters… the stench of scorching flesh and a city aflame.

All of that is chased away by the cold-smoke scent of Isarae.

Her arm continued to lend me support as she walked me into the washroom and began running the bath. We’d mastered the trick of turning off the scented oils a few cycles ago, so it was far more tolerable now.

“Your arm is nearly healed,” Isarae remarked as she helped lower me to the edge of the bath.

My limbs were trembling with exertion, the muscles still slightly atrophic from trauma, disuse, and the strain of recovery.

“I thank the God-Emperor for that,” I replied, breathing heavily as the heated bath finished filling. “I’d rather not be forced to use an augmetic so early in my career.”

“Mm,” Isarae chuckled as she sat on the stone floor behind me and began lathering my hair. “We’re he still alive I’d suggest you see my Haemonuculus… I’m sure there are a few spare arms lying around his laboratory that you could use.”

“I’m not certain if you’re joking,” I gave her a level look, and the enigmatic smile she replied with didn’t clear matters up.

“The muscle grafts wouldn’t even be noticeable,” she continued casually as she began massaging the into my hair and scalp. “And I highly recommend the stimgland… sleeping isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

“I mind it less lately,” I said softly, then bit my lip as I remembered how good Isarae’s hearing was.

Her deft hands paused in their motions for a moment before continuing, but she didn’t reply.

“Sorry,” I said, after a moment.

“Don’t be,” she answered before withdrawing her hands, tapping my shoulder to let me know she was done, and then rinsing them off.

I ducked my head beneath the surface, relishing the heat as I let the churning water sluice away the sweat from my hair before rising.

Isarae has slipped into the water herself finally, although I doubt she had actually broken a sweat, and I turned so she could finish rinsing my hair for me.

To be honest, I didn’t really even need Isarae’s help for this anymore, my arms were tired, not useless. Still, over the past several cycles we had become more and more comfortable with one another, and she had started washing my hair for me while my arm was recovering.

For one reason or other, I’d never asked her to stop, and Isarae had never seemed to want to. Whatever her own reasons, the Eldar woman seemed to enjoy looking after me like this, and I had to admit I enjoyed her doting on me.

I think the reason I liked it was because, with Isarae, it never felt patronising. She kicked my arse up and down the quarters while sparring, never went easy on me, and never let up until we were finished. Then she would take extra care to ensure I was well and safe, and she would look after me.

It was nice.

Isarae’s arm slipped around my waist beneath the water, and I let out a small hum of approval as she drew me closer. I let her, as I always did… her touch was never unwelcome, and I turned my head to nestle against the crook of her neck.

“You are an odd one, Alessa,” Isarae notes with a small laugh.

Alessa.

I wasn’t sure when she’d started calling me that, I hadn’t thought of it honestly, just as I couldn’t pin down when I’d started getting familiar enough with her to call her ‘Rae. Neither of us had ever commented on it, nor complained, we had simply fallen into it like a comfortable routine.

“Says the Dark Eldar who just finished washing my hair for me,” I prodded back, and Isarae smirked.

The heat was comfortable, and Isarae was more so, and I drew myself closer until I was pressed fully against her, my face practically buried against her neck.

That was when the urge struck me.

It was so sudden and so total that I had even considered it before I’d indulged it.

I kissed Isarae’s neck.

For some reason I expected her to admonish me, or reprimand me, but she didn’t. She just stiffened for a moment at the touch, then relaxed.

Saints knew I shouldn’t do it again. I really, really ought not to… this was a Dark Eldar, whatever our familiarity, whatever our strange relationship this was certainly taking it too far.

Memories of the kiss in the chapel still haunted me, though. The feeling of Isarae’s mouth on me was…

Shuddering silently, I leaned in and kissed her neck again.

And again.

And again.

Each time rising higher, with my hand cradling her neck where I could feel her pulse quickening.

I stopped just beneath her long, tapered ear. A physical reminder that I was indulging this urge with a being who was very clearly inhuman.

Heresy.

The thought splintered through my mind and I drew back, drawing in a ragged breath before leaning forward and resting my forehead against Isarae’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” I said again, my voice raw. “I… I’m not sure what came over me.”

Isarae just shook her head, and I noted the faintest redness of her cheeks as she drew her arms around me and pulled me tight against her.

She didn’t speak, she didn’t even move. She just held me there with an almost desperate strength, her long fingers trailing woven into my hair as she buried her face against the crown of my head.

Through it all I could hear her heartbeat, faint and deafening at the same time.

The notion that one day it might go silent sent a shockwave of sorrow through me, and suddenly my arms were around Isarae as well, hugging her as tightly as I could.

Isarae… my Isarae.

God-Emperor forgive me.

?

“Ao’lanya!”?

I spun through the myriad motions of the first form, stepping through the complex footwork patterns as I cut and slashed with the razorflail in its blade-form.

“Beith’ha!”

My thumb lightly against the mesh of the hand as I completed the first form and moved into the second, lashing my arm out in a circular, weaving arc. The segmented blade separated with a quiet snap and spiraled around me.

“Mar’Saim!”

I turned the force of my motion into a leap, the razorflail hissed viperously around me and for a moment I was surrounded by slicing metal.

Then I leaned into the motion, and at the same moment retracted the blades with another flick of my thumb, just hard enough to pull the blades back swiftly, but not so hard as to close them around me like a razor-edged vice as I had seen Isarae do so many times.?

My feet struck the ground as I bled my momentum out with a powerful slash of the blade. The moment it reached the zenith of its arc I snapped the tendril out again, releasing the blades once more in a flurry of arching, biting strokes that ripped through the wall before me.

“Enough!” Isarae called, and I snapped back into the first form, opening stance, and retracted the segments to their blade form.

“I did it!” I breathed, my lungs tight with exertion as I took a seat where I landed and took gulps of air.

The human body was not meant to move like that but, as I had told Isarae, we are an adaptable species above all. Still, moving seamlessly through three full Lacerai forms had taxed me, and the knowledge that Isarae could perform all seventeen without missing a single step was mind-boggling.

“You need not even move that fast unless you are fighting another of my kind, I think,” Isarae noted as she took a seat beside me. I’m not sure why but I felt like she seemed paler than usual. “To your species, you would seem like a blur of bladed death.”

“And yet I’m still nowhere near you,” I pointed out.

There was an odd look of sadness that passed across her face briefly before she smiled and shook her head.

“You are human, Alessa,” she replied with a small chuckle. “Your biology is not entirely supportive of these forms and movements.”

“I don’t think we seem that different,” I shot back, looking her up and down and poorly masking it my enjoyment of it. “You’re only a bit taller and narrower than I am.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Isarae held out her bare arms and turned them, flexing as she did. “The muscles and tendons are seated differently on an Aeldari frame.”

As she turned her body, I began to see what she meant, and I wondered if that was a part of the subtle wrongness that humans felt upon seeing an Eldar. They were so very alike to us in shape, but we’re subtly different enough that it left us with an impression of physiognomic discomfort.

“The bones are set differently too,” she continued. “And our reactions times are drastically different.”

“I suppose I see what you mean,” I reached out and ran my hand over the form muscle of where a bicep would be on a human.

Then I trailed further down until our hands met, and our fingers linked.

We both stared at our joined hands for a long while before Isarae finally shook her head and chuckled wanly.

“How much longer can we do this,?Cre’yth?”

I frowned.

“Do what?”

“This!” Isarae gestured around us. “You must eventually return to your Order, yes?”

That drew my frown to a deeper scowl. “Y-Yes, but until I know where they are it’s a pointless proposition!”

A lie.

I knew where they were.

“We could locate them,” Isarae offered, “you have a war to prosecute, do you not? And you have recovered more than enough to fight it!”

“Well, yes but-!”

“Do you intend to forsake your Order, then?”

I froze.

Isarae’s words sliced through the thin skin of my arguments and justifications to the one question I had been steadfastly avoiding.

How long could I reason my delay? How long until my conscience could no longer bear the weight of standing aside while they fought and died to protect the sacred shrine at the heart of the Priory of Gardens?

“Thirty cycles, Alessa,” Isarae said stonily. “It’s been thirty cycles since we holed up here, and I have not only brought you back to health but made you stronger.”

“I know!” I snapped. “You think I’m not aware of that?! You think I don’t care that my Sisters are dying while I sit safely in this hovel?!”

“Then why do you delay?!”

“Because knowing you’ll die is just as bad!” I snarled the words out, and Isarae jerked back. “The moment I leave you’ll go out there and you’ll-”

The rest of the thought died on my tongue. I couldn’t say it… the notion of it was too painful, so I just gripped Isarae’s hand all the harder.

“I will die all the same, Alessa,” Isarae stood, drawing her hand back from me and taking her razorflail back from me and securing it to her waist. “Wait for me… I will find your Sisters.”

“Why?” I hated how small my voice came out. “Why now?”

Isarae sighed softly.

“There is a storm front encroaching, and a large one,” she replied. “If we do not move now, it may be better than a week before we can try again, maybe longer.”

“Can’t we wait for the week?” My words came out petulant, and I grimaced. “Never mind… do what you will, Isarae.”

I felt more than saw her flinch at my use of her full name, and at the hard bite in my voice.

“I only do what I must,” Isarae responded in a sorrowful tone. “I do this because you are precious to me, Alessa.”

Then she was gone.

Isarae vanished into the shadows, with not even her footsteps leaving echoes. I remained where I was for some time before finally forcing myself to stand and trudge back down to the quarters we shared.

The jetbike was gone and with it my hope that Isarae might have had second thoughts and waited for me.

The gleam of the chapel armour caught my eye, and I made my way over to it. It was clean and polished, just the way I left it, and I considered the import of Isarae’s question.

Was I willing to forsake my Order?

My Sisters?

For an Eldar?

I hated that I couldn’t answer that question immediately, even in my own mind. What I did know was that I owed Isarae the truth.

That I had known all along where my sisters were.

That I had chosen to remain with her over them for all this time.

Then I would beg her to come back with me, to be sanctioned… perhaps we could even be…?

I sighed.

No, that might be asking too much from the Imperium, but I would at least tell her what was in my heart. I owed her that truth as well, and I owed myself that too.

?