“ Ma” that was how My brother and I called our Mum, “Shimo” that was what my Ma called by her most favourite person apart from her own two children, her number one Son-in-Law Philip, “Mrs Chu” that was many people called my Ma here in the UK, but my Ma was simply called “Mama” “Xi Mama” “Chu Mama” “Mummy” “Mum” by people who loved her universally and remembered her fondly.

When my Ma was born almost 77 years ago in a beautiful costal city Qingdao in China, she was given away for adoption to her only Uncle who was childless, but her dad my granddad returned just a few hours later as he could not bear to let anyone even his own brother to bring up his child, and it turned out to be one of the best decisions he had ever made.

Because, not only he gave my Ma a happy childhood by growing up with her own loving parents, enabled her to build a lifelong incredibly close bond with her three siblings - her older sister, her younger brother and her late younger sister, but most importantly he also gifted my Dad a devoted and loyal wife, he gifted my brother and I a wonderful and extraordinary Ma, he gifted Philip and Eda an amazing and marvellous Mother-in-Law, he gifted countless people a selfless and lovable friend, most of all, he gifted this unique and remarkable lady to the world.

My Ma and Dad loved each other dearly and deeply, but they argued and fought over their two children’s upbringing throughout their marriage as my Dad could never understood why and why Ma was not part of a double act with him. Because my Dad was very strict, so Ma sacrificed her own relationship with Dad as she did her unpaid full-time job of being our Ma with a pure heart, unwavering support, complete devotion, and endless love. To be perfectly frank, we did not make her job any easier by rebelling against Dad. It did not matter what we threw at Ma, she showed all of us what it means to never give up, even in the face of the impossible.?

I remember when I was growing up, I used to stand next to Ma to measure my height against hers everyday it did not take too long and too much of effort for me to reach my target which was to be taller than her. But it has taken a lifetime for me to look up Ma’s giant figure as my superhero and my guiding light. I always thought that I was a Daddy’s girl and take after him, not until I started living with Ma about 16 years ago, I began to realise that Ma and I were very much alike, to name just a few: clever, stubborn, and resolute.

When my Ma fulfilled her duty to Dad by caring for and looking after him during his 20 long years illness in June 2006, we decided to take her together with us back to the UK as we all felt that was the best and the only right thing to do at that particular moment. A moment of when my Ma gained her third child, a second son Philip, a moment of when she afforded Philip a luxury to have two beautiful Mums, and a moment of when three of us became a very tight knit family unit.

We did everything together as three, from watch Strictly Coming Dance, support our beloved Chelsea, to go out for meals in posh restaurants, travel all over the UK and go on holidays at some stunning places around the world. My Ma used to wait at door when we came home from work, Philip would say your Mum is not a good jeeves whenever she missed opening door. How we rather have bad chives than no jeeves right now. Ma cooked two different meals every day, English for Philip and Chinese for me, Philip often put a fiver bet on what food my Ma cook for us on our way home. We were so blessed to have the gift of the past 16 unforgettable years with my Ma - not everyone has that.?

My Ma and Philip was like this ????, and they were an adorable pair - a pair of good-hearted people, a pair of happy souls, and a pair of larger than life personalities. Philip could not do anything without my Ma his monkey assistance around the house, his painting monkey, his cleaning monkey and his gardening monkey. Wherever we went, a cross road, a short walk, a supermarket trip, or a long journey, Philip always affectionately held my Ma’s hand just to make sure she was alright. Ma and Philip just got on with their daily life without the language barrier as they understood each other perfectly. They taught a few words to one another over the years, the first English word Ma leant was rubbish, so anything that opposite of good was rubby, rubby this, rubby that. When Philip annoyed her sometimes, Ma would jokingly say to him Philip rubby.

Almost immediately after my Ma first arrived in the UK 16 years ago, Philip’s beloved pet Teejay became her parrot, best friend, and loyal companion. Ma fed him with the same food she ate, cleaned his cage and complained about the mess he made at the same time. When Teejay called her Ma by mimicking my brother for first time, she just answered without even realising that it was from Teejay, and he continued to call her Ma until he fell off his perch on 1st December 2019. They enjoyed their time together, they brought each other happiness and comfort without end, Ma loved Teejay so much, and he became a part of her.

Ma could not speak or understand English but a few words, that did not stop her to live the best of her time here in the UK as she was fearless, undaunted, and courageous. Ma loved shopping, she used to go to our local Sainsbury’s, she would buy clothes one day, and went back to find something else better next day, so she just took off the one on her and exchanged it without label or receipt at the counter. Ma started going to Kingston, Sutton or Wimbledon for shopping by bus when she got her freedom pass, she would randomly stop strangers ask them good or ???? when she could not make up her mind which dress to choose.

Ma was well known not only by people who work in supermarkets, local shops, but also people who are from all walks of life in our local community. There was one English lady who works in a charity shop, she would give Ma some nice Chinese gifts when she received from donations, and one day they saw each other on the street, she invited Ma to have tea at her home, how they communicated over that cup of tea, I honestly have no clue.

I did not ask too many questions about what Ma did or where she went during the day whilst we were at work, just in case I made her feel that I was interfering with her freedom which meant so much to her. In doing so I have no idea who are those friends she made all those years, but I am sure Ma would not make any fuss over it as those friends will always remember her bright smiles and her signature wave.

Likewise, Ma was cherished in our neighbourhood, especially Tony our next door neighbour. They exchanged the vegetables and fruits they each planted over garden fence, Tony would come over to help Ma whenever she struggled with her gardening or DIY works, Ma always copied Tony in keeping our garage clean and tidy, making our garden look as good as Tony’s, and every Tuesday night, she just followed him which bin to push to the front of driveway for waste collections the next day.

Fortunately, I do manage to get to know a few of her best friends and good neighbours, and they are all here today. But regrettably those friends who had known Ma for decades in China could not be here. I must admit that I knew Ma had many friends and she was very popular, but I was absolutely exhausted at the end of the second day of informing them about Ma’s sudden and sad passing, and I was not even halfway through her contact list. I lost count on how many hearts were broken and how many tears were shed since that dreadful day on 4th October 2022.

Ma spent most of her times in her garden, she used to make all different sizes and shapes of wooden storage boxes and cupboards and proudly put all over her garden. I finally had enough one day and said to her “Ma, those are really ugly and it made the garden look so unattractive” so we agreed that I buy her a large and stylish garden shed, she liked it and moved all her stuff into their new home and dismantled those old cupboards. Not long after that, new ones started mischievously appearing in the garden again, I was defeated by Ma’s persistence and I accepted it graciously.

My brother told me another day that I did not lean any cooking from Ma in those 16 yeas we lived together. But no one knows the real reason behind it - I always refused to do so because I believed that the day I leaned everything from Ma, it would be the time she left me forever, how wrong I was! However, I kept this little secret from Ma as she did not know I had been watching her cooking quietly for as long as I could remember, so I will put it into practice and try to fill her shoes from now on.?

I have been seriously ill lately, Ma said to me when I walked into the door from hospital - “my child, I will use all my power to nurture you back to full health”. She did everything she could, she used every ounce of her last strength until her last breath, and carried out her last promise to me in just 6 days she was left on this earth. Ma, I now making my promise to you, I will not let you down and I will live well with your number one son-in-law Philip by my side for the rest of my life.

Ma, watching you be kind to others all my life has made me a better person, and watching you be so brave through the years makes me proud to be your daughter.

My Ma departed this world on her own term as she did not want to lose her independence that was so important to her, she did not want to burden us and protected us until the end. Ma choose her own time to go as it was double ninth festival in Chinese calendar on 4th October this year, it is as the highest honour as one can get for Chinese people.

Ma, I know you had never gotten over your heartbroken since your younger sister passed away 19 months ago, and now you can go shopping and buy handbags together again. Ma, I know you missed Teejay terribly ever since he selfishly left you about 3 years ago, and now you can teach him some more Chinese words while he gives you a love and playful bite. Ma, you and Dad can finally have a quality time together without my brother’s lectures and my telling offs until we meet again!